A Glimpse Into My Brain

People Say

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, abuse, mentions of cancer & chronic pain

People will say things like,
"You have it easy"
"There's people who have it worse"
"I bet you're just weak"
"I could deal with what you're dealing with"

"There's people who have it worse"
I KNOW
Why do you think I feel so guilty about feeling like this!
I know there are people who have it worse

I know of what lives some other people have to live
I'm not going to pretend to understand what they go through
But I know they have it worse!

"You have it easy"
Right.
Because having a mum who has had cancer for 4 years is easy
Because constantly being scared to sleep incase memories come true again is easy
Because having chronic pain is easy
Because feeling sick in my body is easy
Because wanting to die is easy to resist
Because being addicted to self harm is easy
Because knowing you were abusive as a child is easy
Because knowing that the only reason you were abusive is because you were taught that it's ok, is easy

Right?
These are all easy to deal with, right?
Sure.

"I bet you're just weak"
"I could deal with what you're dealing with"
Okay,
And I bet both mine and your lives that you wouldn't survive 1 day in my body
You would not be able to survive
I swear
Do you have any idea what my brain is like?
Do you know what having hallucinations is like?
Do you have any idea how scary every fucking thing is for me?

You wouldn't last an hour with my brain and body
Don't fucking kid yourself

(8/6/21)