A Glimpse Into My Brain

Anger Into Pain

TW: self harm

The only way I can deal with my anger is by hurting myself
Most negative emotions aren't safe
But crying and anger are the most dangerous
Those are the two that will land you in trouble

But I have crying under control usually
After years it's become second nature to force back the tears
But I feel anger so strongly
And it terrifies me
That's the only emotion that I feel really strongly
And it's one of the most unsafe

So to prevent getting punished by outside people
I just turn the anger inwards
Pretend I'm fine
Pretend I'm happy
Until I can get to my room
Then I create another wound
If I don't do that I have a panic attack
And The Man comes back
And those are never good
So it's easier to just feel pain

(18/6/21)