A Glimpse Into My Brain

Death Fantasies

TW: strong talk of suicide

So I wrote something that wasn't a poem tonight
I have a notebook where I write letters or really anything that I don't want others to see
That isn't a poem of course

It morphed quite quickly into something very dark
It was originally supposed to be my feelings
Explaining to myself how difficult things have gotten for me to do
It didn't stay that way for more than two sentences

What it wound up being is a bunch of my death fantasies
How I would die
How I would kill myself
How I want to kill myself
It was quite graphic in many places

I don't think many people would expect me to have death fantasies in general
Never mind the ones that I wrote
I have plans
Many many plans

I want to see a waterfall before I walk into the water with weights tied to me
I think that's the least graphic one I wrote about
I'm probably not allowed to write the others here
I don't usually hold back in poems
But I think Wattpad would take it down if I wrote them
So I won't bother

(9/6/21)