A Glimpse Into My Brain

Harder

TW: suicidal thoughts

I wish I could tell people that just staying alive takes all my energy
Maybe then they wouldn't be as disappointed when I miss things
Or don't do them at all
Even though I'm moving around
And looking fine
I'm not fine
But the people around me don't know that
I won't tell them

As the days go on it keeps getting harder
Harder to pretend
Harder to fake a smile
Harder to fight
Harder to block the voices
Harder to survive

As the days go on I keep losing hope
Hope that it'll get better
Hope that I'll be able to heal
Hope that I'll survive

Most days all I can do is make it to the next day
Sometimes even just the next minute
It's exhausting
I want to give in
I'm trying not to
But I don't know how much longer I can do this
So please don't be surprised if I kill myself
And please, please, don't follow me

(14/6/21)