A Glimpse Into My Brain

"Look Sick"

TW: ableism and chronic pain

I wish able-bodied people could understand chronic pain
It's not just needing mobility aids and being bed bound
And it can be worse or better than Tv makes it out to be

It can be agonizing pain that leaves you feeling paralyzed
It can be exhaustion that makes it impossible to do literally anything

Able-bodied people seem to think we're lazy
Like not being able to do school or chores is a choice
Instead of us having to weigh the options

Keep our pain to a minimum,
Or do something hygienic
Or productive
Or helpful
Or fun

A lot of the time we don't "look sick"
Pain is internal and so many of us have lived with it so long we're at least somewhat able to mask the fact that we're in high levels of pain
Exhaustion can be easy to hide if you live with it long enough

I don't "look sick"
Because I've been dealing with it for five fucking years
I've learnt how to pretend that I'm fine
Pretend that I don't feel like I'm going to fall down or fall asleep constantly

I don't "look sick"
Because what you see is a teenager that looks "healthy"
You can't feel what I feel everyday

Not all disabilities are visible
There is no one way to "look sick"
People with disabilities are as varied as those without

So next time think before you tell me that I don't "look sick"
Because I promise you,
If you could live in my body for a day
You wouldn't be telling me I don't "look sick"

(23/5/21)