A Glimpse Into My Brain

Why Didn't I Stop?

TW: implied parent problems

I don't get why I didn't just stop crying
I knew it was dangerous
I knew I would get in trouble
I knew it wasn't smart
I knew all of these things and yet I still cried

I cried when I got in trouble
I cried when I got yelled at
I cried when I got hurt
I cried even more when he hurt me for crying

It was stupid
I don't know why I didn't just stop
If I had he wouldn't have hurt me
He wouldn't have hurt my brother

I could've just been better
I could've just stopped crying
I could've been a good kid
But I wasn't
And I didn't stop
Now look where I am
Fucked up,
And it's all my fault because I wasn't smart enough to stop crying

(2/8/21)