A Glimpse Into My Brain

Your Call

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts & and not feeling real

I don't even feel real when I burn myself anymore
Self harm used to be the only thing that made me feel real
That could at least partially convince me that my surroundings are real
It doesn't fucking help anymore
I'm still not real
My surroundings still aren't real
I feel like I'm in a movie

I tried dumping some salt in my mouth
Twice
The first time it helped
It helped me feel real
The second time the taste registered
But nothing happened
It didn't help
I didn't feel fucking real

I want to die and I don't know why I'm still here
If this is a movie I'll just wake up on set and the director with say something about my performance
If it's a simulation the people running it will show me what's happening in reality
Either way it's not like I'm leaving anyone behind
If it's my simulation they won't exist after I die
I want to fucking die
That's the only thing I really want anymore

Please just kill me or let me wake up
This is a formal ask to whoever is running this fucked up world
LET
ME
OUT
YOU FUCKER
Or I will kill myself and get out that way
Your call

(8/7/21)