A Glimpse Into My Brain

Hate

TW: mentions of death

There are things I have done
Things that have happened to me
Things I have realized
That I can't write about
Writing is usually my coping mechanism
It's the safest one I have

But not for this
Not for what I have done
I can't write it
I can't say it out loud
I can't do anything with it

So it sits
Festering and growing more life threatening by the day
And I'm stuck in this cage it puts me in
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
And I don't deserve to be freed

I have hurt people with my actions
Although they don't know I caused it
They can't know
They can't know
Everyone would hate me
And I wouldn't blame them

I hate me too
I always have
But this,
This level of hate
I can't match it
I've never hated myself more
Not even when I realized how fucked up I was as a kid

I deserve punishment
I deserve pain
I deserve death
I deserve hate
I deserve it all because in the end
I did something really bad
And I can't move past it
I don't deserve to move past it

(21/6/21)