A Glimpse Into My Brain

Five

TW: brain bullshit to do with numbers (specifically #5)

What am I doing
What am I doing
What am I doing
What am I doing
What am I doing

My thoughts
They aren't always in neat rows of five
It isn't 'think about it five times then the game's up
You don't need to think about it again'
But three is to little to write it
And four and six aren't good numbers
So five is the answer
Neat rows of five
Neat rows of five
Neat rows of five
Neat rows of five
Neat rows of five

Checked once
Checked twice
Probably checked three times
Maybe four
Probably not five
That's to high

Keep going
Keep going
Keep going
Keep going
Keep going

Keep writing
It's not long enough
Five is a safe number
Five is always a safe number
Five hasn't always been a safe number
Five is now a safe number
Five will be a safe number for a while
At least

I don't know why my brain is fixated on five
I don't know why I can't get away from it
I don't know why it's such a big deal
I don't know why I feel like dying if I stop
I don't know what's happening
I don't know why this one paragraph can have six rows

I'm trying
I'm trying
I'm trying
I'm trying
I'm trying

I'm trying to break this cycle
I'm trying to keep fighting
I'm trying so hard
I'm trying to stop it
I'm trying, I promise I'm trying
But I don't know what's wrong with me
And I don't know how to stop

(18/6/21)