A Glimpse Into My Brain

Episode

Note: the TW for this one is a lot of shit and you probably shouldn't read it, I wrote it in the middle of an episode and am only publishing it so maybe someone will feel less alone.

I'm in the middle of an episode
I feel like I'm dying
Everything's to loud
The voices are yelling at me
I can't fucking do this
I'm terrified
I'm in danger
Someone's after me
No one is after me
I know that
But the voices are yelling that
The marker on my skin had to come off
My skin is red now
I had to knock on every door twice
I had to restart cuz I messed up
I'm scared
I want to die
I don't know what to do
I don't know why I'm writing
No one wants to hear about my bullshit
If I told anyone they'd think I was crazy
Hell, I think I'm going crazy
It's getting worse
I'm trying not to cry
I'm scared
I'm so fucking scared
I don't know what will help
I feel like I'm being watched
They probably want to kill me
That's always what The People want to do
I know The People
They're around a lot
I don't like them
I don't want to be watched
I'm sorry that I'm like this
I'm scared
I don't know why I'm still writing
Writing helps I guess
It makes me focus on spelling and all that
I still think the people are watching
I just saw one move
Fuck I'm fucked
I don't think they know what I'm writing
Hopefully they don't
They're getting closer
I can feel them
Fuck this
Maybe if I cut they'll go away
They're still moving
Swaying back and forth
In front of the couch
I'm scared
I don't know what to do
Fuck

(5/6/21)