THE MANOBAN's: MEET THE DISASTERS!

46

LISA

It’s a strange thing to realize and accept your mortality at 37 years young. When I survived at dilated cardiomyopathy I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled, and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family. And having Jennie with our beautiful kids, is the most highlight of my life.

But the thing about life; It is fragile, precious, and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 37 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy... But the control is out of my hands.

Weeks after finding out my condition, I feel hopeless. I start to lose interest. Every time I look at their eyes, I see sadness. I see how they pity me and It hurts...

It hurts that instead of enjoying their lives, they have to think of me. Especially my wife, my family.

I just want them to stop worrying so much about me.

" You okay?" I was snapped out of my thoughts when Jisoo tap my shoulder.

We are here in my penthouse with Seulgi, Jeongyeon, and Ryujin to bond and talk about things.

I'm glad that Jennie allows me to spend my days with my best friends.

" Jennie told me that she almost rush you to the hospital last night because of too much pain here". Seulgi said pointing her finger at my chest.

" I'm fine, maybe it's because of too much exhaustion caused by chemos". I replied and smiled at them.

" How's Ella?". Jisoo asked.

" Since the day she found out about my condition, she can't help but suddenly cry every time our eyes met so as much as possible, I don't want her to see me". I replied and sadness was visible in my voice.

" How about the twins?". Ryujin inquired

" They have no idea about my condition". I answered.

" Jennie told us that Yeaji offered her heart in case she died, have you visited Yeaji again after knowing that?". Jeongyeon also inquired and hearing that information again made me heave a deep sigh.

" I haven't visited her yet...It's just, I can't. I can't see her, I don't think I will be able to see the woman who accepted her death and willingly gave her heart to me". I said in a crack voice.

" And I don't think I can handle my emotions once I saw her". I said trying to control my sobs.

" Lisa..." I heard Jisoo call me.

" Why it has to be me again, Chu?. I almost lose my life before, and now I am here in this situation again. Why me?". I questioned.

" Do you know how hard it is every time I look into your eyes? In Jennie's eyes and to my kid's eyes? Do you know how hard to control my tears every time I see how you guys pity me?". I said as tears fall from my eyes.

" Every night I wish is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, with you guys. Just one more." I added and I can see them crying with me.

" You'll survive, okay? Lucifer won't gonna accept you in hell because it's full so trust me, you're gonna survive". Jisoo sternly said that made me chuckle.

" Crazy--- I'm not, just trust me, okay?". She cut me off so I have no choice but to agree with her.

" Fine". I shortly replied then after that, they stood up from their seat and went to hug me making me groan

" Yah get off me!". I complain but they ignored me and continue to hug me.

" I love you, Lisayah". Seulgi said and I almost puke with what she said.

" I love you two, Lisayah". Ryujin seconded.

" I love you three, Lisayah". Jeongyeon joined.

" I love you four, Limario". Last but not the least it's Jisoo.

" Fine, I love myself too". I said which made them scoffed.

" Yah, you should say I love you all". They all said in unison but I just laughed at them and hug them back.

When I returned home, I went straight to Jennie and I's room to rest. Earlier I received a call from Jennie that she'll be late because she has an urgent meeting which I understand.

As I sat on the bed, I noticed a letter at the bedside table which made me confused.

So without thinking twice, I took the letter and open it.

Dear Dada,

I don’t really know how to start this or end it as this is all kind of new to me. I don't know how to face you without crying so I made this letter and tell you how I feel.

You and I both know that I’m not all that good at sharing my thoughts when it comes to this stuff. Lately, I’ve kept everything bottled up and not talked much about how I feel about all that is happening, or even about anything going on recently, so that’s the purpose of this letter, to say things that I need to say.

I want to start with a thank you. Thank you dada for being an amazing mother, and for raising me, Liam, and Leo. You and Mama knew how much I love you and I am very grateful to both of you for giving us a wonderful life.

Thank you Dada for always being interested in what I did. For always defending me with Mama, for always on my side. You’re not perfect but you’re the only Dada I’ll ever have.

Thank you for loving us unconditionally, for being so patient with Mama, for being playful with Liam and Leo, and for treating me as your one and only princess. You taught me how to love unconditionally and how to be my very best in all I do. You are more than a mother. You are my best friend and a great listener, too.

But when you told me about your diagnosis I felt… wrecked, sad, angry, even sorry. I felt sorry that this was happening. I'm scared that I’ve failed you as a daughter for I cannot do anything to help you. There was this night that I've decided to check you in your room to know how you doing but then, I ended up witnessing how you are in pain. I see you in pain, Dada. I see you struggling and it hurts...

I want to help you but I don't know how and it hurts seeing you and Mama fighting this battle alone. I'm not ready and I will never be ready to lose each other. I can’t imagine the world without your love in it, Dada.

I could never bear the pain so please, Dada. Please fight for us and I promise you I will try to be as brave as I can be, and will be by your side from now on.

Me, Mama, Liam and Leo will always be here along with Tatas. We will always be here for you so please, never give up.

I love you so much, Dada.

Your princess,

Ella

After reading her letter, I bit my lip to try to stop myself from burning out into more tears.

" Dada". I heard Ella call me as I hadn't realized that she entered the room. She walks towards me and hugs me tight.

" I love you so much, Dada. We are here for you. We will never leave you". Ella said and broke out into sobs.

" I'm sorry, Princess, I'm so sorry". My lip quivers before more tears gushed out. I let it out all the tears that I was trying to hold back. I let it out in front of my daughter as we cried together.

I am in pain, physically and emotionally and I haven't felt this hurt ever in my life...