The Rescue Of Eddie Munson

Chapter 70

Chapter 70

Tears gathered in my eyes as I nodded savoring the warmth and care in his voice. Knowing it would go faster if I helped, I gathered what was left of my strength and resolve and moved to stand, smiling when Eddie's hands steadied me, helping me up.

My legs shook slightly under me but I managed it as I reached up and undid the straps for the horrible vest, as grateful as I was for its protection I wanted it off. Tossing it to the floor I began carefully shrugging off my leather jacket, distantly hoping that the slime and guts would wash off of it. Finally I undid my pants and boots, I fought with my bra as I slid it and the hellfire shirt over my head before adding them to the pile.

I kept my necklace on, not feeling safe without its comforting weight and as I looked up to see that Eddie had undressed as well he too kept his necklace on, the star shining in the candlelight.

I couldn't help the soft smile as he took my watch out of his pocked and set it carefully aside before walking over to the tub and turning the spigot on and closing the drain before gathering the filthy clothes into a pile and hefting them out the door onto the small porch attached.

Eddie shivered as he came back inside, it may have been a brief trip tossing out those clothes but the air had cooled significantly as the sun went down and being naked didn't help. Walking over he pulled Red into his arms once more, so glad to be able to hold her skin to skin and be rid of the gunk for the most part.

Once back in his arms I snuggled in close resting my ear over his heart I basked in it's calming rhythm as it accompanied the sound of the filling tub, its steam already warming the room.

Eddie leaned in just as closely burrowing into the nape of her neck placing soft kisses on the places where the blood and guts hadn't hit.

Red sighed melting further into his touch, clearly the earlier fears were still there but quieter. "..love you so much Eddie..m'sorry about freaking out.." kissing her neck again he sighed hearing her apologizing for something like this, something she couldn't and shouldn't have to control or apologize for.

Glancing over at the tub grateful that it was nearly full he scooped her up in his arms again smirking at the squeak of surprise she'd made as her arms gathered around his neck holding him close, walking over he reached out and turned off the water before stepping in and taking her with him. The both of them hissed at the temperature change as he moved to sit down taking the both of them into the warm water.

I sighed catching my breath as I adjusted to the change as well before curling closer into the cradle of his arms allowing the water to soak into my muscles and ease the tension there.

It wasn't long before Eddie grabbed the body wash I hadn't noticed was brought along and began gently massaging it into my skin. Usually the silence would be smothering me but right now it felt safe and warm.

I thought back to earlier and that fear, the trauma felt distant now..still there but not actively attacking. As much as I hated it I knew the only way to confront it..hell to explain any of this mess to Eddie, who deserves an explanation.. would be for me to tell him..'fuck'.

Tilting my head back I cupped Eddie's cheek in my hand gaining courage from the way he leaned and arched into my touch. Taking a steadying breath I spoke "...not sure how to say it except to say it..I'll tell you what happened...what caused the panic attack..." turning in my touch he kissed my palm before speaking his voice whisper soft "you don't have to..whatever you feel up to"

Tilting my head back I kissed his cheek "thank you, but I want to..need to...." grabbing the bottle of body wash I squirted some into my palm and began idly washing Eddie's hands and arms as I spoke "...it was the cold water...that triggered me...not that you probably couldn't guess..it was a memory from my birth mother...as I told you she went crazy from the hormones after having me..hell one of my first memories when I was around 1 was her trying to kill herself..running into the bathroom when I was playing with one of those plastic phones with the smiley face that you drag on a string..and she came in with blood on her arms and a butchers knife in her hand..."

I felt the sharp inhale behind me as Eddie processed my words his hands still softly washing over my skin doing his best not to distract me as I continued. "..but that wasn't the memory that got me today..see being an undiagnosed autistic kid...there wasn't any support and with her mental health she couldn't help me so she punished me...for anything that annoyed her...and my dad was in the navy, out to sea most of the time so he wasn't there to stop it..."

Tears fell as I remembered the times I'd wait for him to get home knowing that it would stop when he did. Taking a shaking breath I continued, the words pouring out of me faster and faster like infection being drained from a wound. "I got hit a fair bit..she'd break spatulas...spoons or just use her hand..got put in the corner a lot and if I fidgeted with my clothes, she took them, if I was unable to sit still because I needed to go to the bathroom she gave me a towel and more punishments for being unable to sit still even then...she'd tear my bedroom apart if I didn't clean it to her view of perfection and make me do it over, including hospital corners when I made my bed..keep in mind I was 3 or 4 at the time...she'd lock me in closets or the bathroom in the dark for hours alone..or she would make me scrub the tub without any soap under the shower head with freezing cold water spraying down my back for hours and hours..it was that damn cold water...felt like my lungs were being crushed and I was that little kid again sobbing in the bathtub...goddamnit it's been nearly 30 fucking years..!"

I rinsed my hands of the soap in the water and angrily scrubbed the tears from my face rocking back and forth I didn't even notice when Eddie had pulled me closer in the circle of his lap. I sobbed into his chest crying tears I didn't even know I still had left inside as I clung to him.

The rage that built inside of Eddie frightened him, he wanted nothing more than to find this person, who was ironically his own mother-in-law and rip her apart..how could she do this to Red.. hell to any fucking child..she was a kid..why the fuck did this have to happen to her..why did they have to have a horrible parent in common...hell this type of shit in some ways was worse, no wonder she'd shut down.

To hear her so angry at yourself for feeling this trauma, that made it even worse. The fact that she'd apologize for it...said more than anything else, showed that she'd continued to be abused and discredited long after she was that child. Never again, never fucking again would Red have to deal with that..not if he could help it. Sure he knew she had Jin and the two of them did wonders to help each other, and from what he'd learned Jin had her own trauma package to process. Fuck he knew Red wasn't alone..but still he found himself desperate to protect her..he would protect her..keep them both safe.

Pulling Red tighter into his embrace he finally found his voice "I'm so sorry Red...fuck..I know I didn't cause it and I couldn't be there but goddamnit I'm sorry that those things happened to you..you didn't deserve any of that shit..none of it. You didn't do anything wrong.."

I nodded through my tears that still flowed as I cuddled into his chest soaking up his warmth...the safety he gave...saying those words I desperately needed to hear.

Looking around the water had gotten murky and disgusting and I cringed. Reaching over with my foot I pushed the drain cover off allowing the water to flow down the drain. Eddie looked over confused as he held me until he saw the water "ok..yea that's gross..good call, lets refill it now that we got the bulk of the crud off."

I nodded shivering as the water rapidly emptied leaving us both exposed reaching over I managed to turn on the spigot allowing the tub to rinse a bit before pushing the cover back on. I sighed happily as I nuzzled back into the warmth of Eddie embrace as the tub filled.

Taking his arms into my own I hugged them close "love you so much Eddie..thank you for...for being you..as corny as that sounds." He chuckled the warmth of it filled me as I beamed back at him.

"You're welcome Red..not sure who else I'd be, but you're welcome all the same..and I love you too so damn much Red...thank you for trusting me...for sharing things like that."

I nodded eyes filling with tears once more as I leaned back to capture his lips with mine, it was soft and slow and filled with love..saying everything we couldn't put into words right now. Once we'd parted I blinked and realized the tub was getting full so I quickly turned around and turned off the spigot. "Well that was almost a mess.." I giggled as I melted back into his arms once more savoring the feeling of getting clean.