Swearing Queens (J.W.)

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A/N: Warning- SWEARING. Duh.

Nightflyer: Hey Air, I have a joke for you.

Air: YAY! What is it?

Nightflyer: what's Sam Winchester's least favorite restaurant?

Air:.....No idea.

Nightflyer: Ruby Tuesdays.

Air: *bursts out laughing*

Rainkeeper: It just hit me that we're already over halfway through this book.

Joy: Crazy right? It feels like we just started this one.

Seashell: Welp, soon enough we'll be planning book 3.

Kelp: How many of these will we have?

Joy: We're just gonna go until we run out of dares.

Nightflyer: what happens if we DO run out of dares?

Rainkeeper: Then we're going to go back through all the comments in the first book and make sue we didn't skip anybody's dares.

Joy: And once we do THAT, then we'll start using our own imagination.

Kelp:..... So basically this will never end.

Joy: NOPE!

Rainkeeper: That's great for us, torture for the players

Air: YAY!

*players appear*

Winter: So you're on a Jade Winglet kick again?

Joy: We can't help that there's just more dares with you guys

Seashell: And we're attempting to do dares that have been waiting for awhile, and there's a lot of those too.

Kelp: We apologize for anyone that's getting impatient. If you dared something ages ago and wanna remind us of it, go ahead.

Rainkeeper: If anything it'll guilt trip up into doing it next.

Seashell: I really need to get a system back for this.

Joy: Nah.

Seashell: But-

Joy: DEATH TO THE SYSTEM!

Moon: So what's up for today?

Air: Kinkajou needs to swear again.

Turtle: OH no-

Kinkajou: FUCK YEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Joy: *laughs* This is why I love her.

Rainkeeper: And you need to tell us what you think of all the Queens. Start whenever.

Kinkajou: As in the current fucking queens, or can I include past shitty queens that are dead now?

Joy: Your choice.

Kinkajou: Alright, let's start with the easiest.

Kinkajou: GLORY IS THE BEST FUCKING QUEEN IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES IS A CRAPPY CACTUS LICKER!!!!

Kinkajou: SHE'S THE FUCKING BEST!

Joy: We shall pass along that message.

Rainkeeper: I assume she'll be pleased.

Kinkajou: Thorn is the second best because she's a badass bitch and everybody fucking loves her and it's easy to see why. THORN IS THE SWEAR SAVAGE BADASS QUEEN AND NO ONE CAN ROB HER OF THAT TITLE, NOT YOU, NOT ANYBODY! LOVE HER AND STONEMOVER NEEDS TO GET OFF HIS HAPPY ASS AND WIN HER BACK BECAUSE THORN IS A HIGH QUALITY GIRL AND SHE AIN'T GONNA WAIT AROUND FOR YOU FOREVER STONEMOVER, YOU LAZY SHIT!

Turtle: Harsh.

Kinkajou: I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THORNMOVER FEELS MOONSDAMMIT!

Kinkajou: Ruby's cool as fuck, and her son is the most fucking adorable little cinnamon roll in the entire flipping universe AND NO ONE CAN BEAT HIM IN THAT TITLE EITHER. And I'm really fucking glad Ruby is NOTHING like Fucking Scarlet because fuck Scarlet that fucking fuck. Stupid shitty crap pile of shit too shitty for other shit to eat.

Turtle: .....what.

Kinkajou: NOW! ONTO MOORHEN! THE LITTLE SHIT WHO DOESN'T DO SHIT! Seriously, what the fuck is Moorhen even doing these days, she's just kinda fucking there and nobody says crap about her. Fucking Moorhen, man. Goodass Queen, but I don't know shit about her. 

Kinkajou: I feel like I need more fucking swear words, otherwise I'm just gonna start saying shit, crap, and fuck all over again. I could use crap and dammit more, but I still feel like there needs to be another fucking swear for me to fucking use. JOY! GIVE ME ANOTHER FUCKING SWEAR, DAMMIT.

Joy: First tier, second tier, or third tier?

Kinkajou: What's the fucking difference?

Joy: First tier- The swears that makes elementary school children gasp and yell at you for saying potty words. Stuff like hell, damn, and probably heck and frick.

Joy: Second tier- Actual swears, but ones that are lightly used enough that teachers can get away with saying them. Stuff that'll get you a stern warning from strict parents. Stuff like ass, crap, shit.

Joy: Third tier- the BAD swears. The ones you can't say on TV due to their extremely offensive nature. These words will get you a ruler cracked on your knuckles, and the kindest one of them is fuck. 

Kinkajou: Oooooohhhhhhh. Third tier?

Joy: Try-

Seashell: BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!

Joy:......Really?

Seashell: What?

Joy: Did you just sensor me?

Seashell:.....No......

Joy:.....BITCH,

Kinkajou: RIGHT! BITCH! I FORGET ABOUT THAT ONE!

Kinkajou: Coral is a BITCH. WITH A CAPITAL B-I-A-T-C-H

Qibli: That's....That's not how you spell-

Kinkajou: Like HONESTLY! WHAT KIND OF BITCH ASS MOTHER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE NAMES OF HER OWN CHILDREN?!!? WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! No offense, Turtle, but YOUR MOTHER IS A HORRIBLE PERSON.

Turtle: I know. Trust me, I know.

Rainkeeper: And last but not least....

Kinkajou: Let's talk about Glacier instead of fucking Snowfall of whatever her fucking name is, fuck her. But GLACIER! *screeches* FUCKING GLACIER.

Winter: Watch it.

Kinkajou: DAMN YOU DARKSTALKER FOR MURDERING HER, I WANTED MY BLACIER SHIP TO SAIL SO BAD!!!! I FUCKING LOVED GLACIER! I WAS GONNA WRITE FANFICTION ON IT WITH THORN AND RUBY IN GLORY'S PLACE BECAUSE GLORY DOESN'T WRITE FANFICTION!

Moon: Wait...... She doesn't?

Qibli: I swore her and Thorn-

Turtle: And her and Tsunami-

Kinkajou:.......

Kinkajou: THAT. FUCKING. LIAR! 

Carnelian: Deal with it later, go on about Glacier.

Kinkajou: Well, like all Icewings, SHE'S A COLD-HEARTED BITCH. BUT SHE WAS BLAZE'S COLDHEARTED BITCH! AND I LIKED HER FOR THAT! 

Winter: I'm just confused on how you even know who either of them are.

Qibli: And I'm just confused about why you're not denying that Glacier had a romantic relationship with Blaze.

Winter: Bitch please, I'm her nephew. We ALL knew what was going down. 

Qibli: True, true.

Kinkajou: SO IN SUMMARY, GLORY IS THE BEST FUCKING QUEEN, THORN IS TIED WITH HER FOR THAT TITLE, RUBY'S A BOSS ASS BITCH, MOORHEN IS A FUCKING HERMIT OR SOME SHIT, CORAL IS SHIT, AND GLACIER IS BLAZE'S BITCH. THE END!


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