Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Maryam: Pemburu

Title: Pemburu

Author: michh_44

Reviewer: Marykhah77

Summary: 4.5/5

The summary is written well. You introduce the characters, conflict, stakes, and you include the relationships between the characters without giving too much information.

The only thing I really found is the cover. I know that it doesn't have to do with the actual description of your story, but the cover can be a source of information too. The only thing on there is the book title, so there isn't much to go off of. 

Otherwise, the description is very intriguing.

Grammar + Punctuation: 3.5/5

If there were any mistakes, many of your comments pointed them out. You acknowledged them, so I don't think I have to say them again. I just hope that you get to correcting them soon; I know you're preparing your story for the Wattys, so I do hope you get to correcting them.

However, I did find something that was a bit confusing. When you're using hyphens and em dashes, it's important to show that. I often got confused when you used em dashes—they are supposed to be longer than the regular hyphen. Readers can have a hard time reading your story if you don't implement then the correct way. I had to pause several times to try to understand what you meant to write. 

Though, you seem to already know when to use em dashes and hyphens, so again, I won't go into that.

Maybe clear up the mistakes your comments have pointed out, and fix the hyphen and em dash mix-up, and that should cover all the grammar and punctuation errors in your writing. 

Plot Development: 5/5

The story starts off slow—which tends to happen with Fantasy. That isn't to say that it wasn't enjoyable; there were many scenes to which I liked.

Even after the slow start, you didn't waste time to get right into the action. And, boy, did you deliver with the action! I couldn't pull my eyes away from the screen as I read. Excellent job!

As the story progressed, you revealed more and more of the plot. You never gave us too much information. In fact, you gave us just the right amount. It kept me wondering what was happening, but you still kept the plot moving.

Whenever you revealed a big part of the plot, I always enjoyed it. You wrote it very well, and you certainly delivered. 

Character Development: 4/5

I love how Cayenne is a cranky old lady in the beginning. I found her internal thoughts to be hilarious and well-executed.

If I'm being really picky, I would say that Cayenne's development wasn't dispersed well. I wish there were bits and pieces hidden within the story that showed she was changing. 

Characterisation: 4/5

I could easily tell between the characters. Cayenne is very wary, whereas Dom prefers to let loose. The way you execute this is well written.

Again, just me being picky, but I wish Sabine and Rembrendt weren't so similar. They seemed to have the same mindset—which isn't a bad thing. There were hardly any differences to them, so I had a hard time trying to understand the characters themselves. 

OVERALL SCORE: 21/25

A very well-written story with many twists and turns. I do encourage you to fix your grammar and punctuation, and you'll be set!

If you have any questions, please PM me at Marykhah77.