Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Faye: The Third Line

Title: The Third Line

Author: ItIs_Adeen

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 3/5

The title works well for this story. It is simple and catchy and draws the eye.

I am not too sure how the cover illustrates the story. I believe a different picture would work better. However, I do like the font used on the cover and the layout works well.

Description: 5/5

A straightforward introduction to the story with enough detail to reel the reader in without giving away too much. Explaining the title at the start was an effective way to kick it all off. I could find no fault whatsoever with this description. Well done!

Grammar: 3/5

I did notice a few grammatical errors here and there. I pinpointed some in the comments.

There were a few sentences that were worded confusingly within this story. I believe the cause of this was that you may have gone back over your work and sought to edit the wording of a sentence but not managing to complete the edit successfully (so easy to do!)

An example of this is:

(Chapter 3)

"The relationship between me with Harry was very basic."- this sentence is quite clumsy.

It could be changed to:

"My relationship with Harry was very basic."

That all being said, there were good chunks where there were no grammatical errors and it was a story that was easy to read at the most part.

Characterisation: 5/5

The characters were really well thought out. You brought a good variety of authentic teens. You showed their strengths and weaknesses in a holistic way making them 3-dimensional and complex individuals.

I love Amaya! What a personality she has! She is passionate and confrontational, she can also be really empathetic and sweet. She is a pain in the butt, however likeable and as a reader I truly routed for her.

No character within this story lacked detail and it is obvious that you have thought long and hard about what makes each character who they are and you clearly have a vivid picture in your mind of what each character looks like, which comes through well in your writing.

Plot: 4/5

A well thought out story plot. That cuts between Amaya's dreams/fantasies about her beloved boy band and her day-to-day life. The transitions between these two states of the narrative are handled beautifully and I knew exactly where I was at all times throughout the story's journey.

There were times however where there were details missed out, which caused disconnect within the narrative. Chapter 5 needs revision in light of this.

Writing Style: 5/5

I really like your writing style. You brought a good balance of description and story telling. The way you described the characters did not slow down the pacing of the story at all.

You managed to set each scene very well, I could picture the surroundings so vividly it was as if I could see through Amaya's eyes. Incredible!

I really liked how you gradually brought us out of Amaya's dream state this made the flow of your story seamless and not at all choppy, which truly showcases a great skill in writing.

There was also a good use of imagery throughout the story! I pinpointed a few that stood out for me in the comments of your book.

OVERALL SCORE: 25/30

A story with great potential. With a good pace that is easy to follow and that is very enjoyable. It has believable characters who go through ups and downs and have interesting interactions. I really enjoyed reading Amaya's dreams and I loved how her frustration was apparent when she was woken from them. With an edit to iron out grammatical errors here and there this story would be one to look out for. Great job!