Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Lone Wolf: The North Star

Title: The North Star

Author: wendizzy

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 4.5/5

Honestly, even though it's short and doesn't give too much to the reader, I absolutely loved it! It was written very well. My only suggestion would be to add a little bit more, like maybe a name, or a bit of a description. The frustration kind of builds up with every sentence and then the last sentence delivered everything.

In the last sentence, I'd suggest to not capitalize the 'i' in 'instead'. I think it might've been just a minor error on your part.

Usually I've seen both sides of an area with ellipses attached to it without spaces between it.

My suggestion:

**​But instead...I found another fucking man. ​ **

Grammar: 5/5

I didn't notice any mistakes that stood out to me blatantly. So great job with writing your story!

Character Building: 4/5

This area was done amazingly! The only thing I might've had a hard time picturing was the characters. Sometimes it seemed like there were fleeting descriptions of them.

You did an amazing job with Jesse and all of the other characters. Descriptions flowed as easily as the story did, even with the panickedness of the story. The dialogues were very realistic and I absolutely loved the scene with her and the guy at the bar (wind-up toy ring a bell?).

She's incredibly intelligent. You don't show that in some boarded up classroom with her getting awards and her waxing on about how 'dumb' she is. She notes things about people, she reads into situations very well and does not jump into things just because she wants to. I haven't come across a story with such strong characters in a long time, and I'm sorry I can't really critique on this area...there's nothing wrong in my eyes!

Writing Style: 5/5

The only area I might've had a problem with was her dreams. It'd look pretty cool if you put them in italics, just to set it separately from the rest of the story. The first time she had one, with that asshat of a guy, I thought it was the same story, and didn't realize it was a dream at first.

I really dig your writing style. You play around with sentence lengths, you don't go overboard with your character descriptions and the dialogues are so realistic. Jessie's a strong woman, and you don't tell; you show her. Her emotions are raw and her experiences are something that a majority of people can relate to, whether abuse, lost or wanting to do the right thing.

I've seen many people (including myself) struggle to write in first person POV, but you wrote some of my favorite authors and turned it into something amazing!

Plot + Originality: 5/5

Pretty sure you got this by now, but I absolutely love your story. I couldn't read all of the chapters, but whatever I did read was written amazingly well. The lack of mistakes, the way everything easily flows shows the hard work you put into this novel. There's no cliches.

The plot moves as smoothly as the glasses of Wild Turkey that are poured in this story. It didn't feel like there were holes or areas where it jumped.

Now all you need to do is make it a book so I can buy it and keep it on my shelf.

OVERALL SCORE: 23.5/25