Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Sunshine: I Found Him on Wattpad

Title: I Found Him on Wattpad

Author: dNovelFreak

Summary: 3.5/5

I have to admit, your summary totally cracked me up. The whole 'numbers exchanged, meet up, family drama, marriage and happily ever after', contrasted with how that does not happen, was absolutely excellent. I like that you tie that to the conflict – his disappearance, and add in the extra complication. Well done! This was a very fun summary that is very quirky and enticing.

A few things to fix up, though. When you're using ellipses (...), make sure that it is only three periods – not ten periods (..........). Also, you need a bit of punctuation to make your sentences cohesive. For example:

If this is what you are expecting then I'm sorry!

Consider changing it to:

If this is what you are expecting, then I'm sorry!

Also, 'ex' doesn't need to be capitalised. Finally, avoid using more than one punctuation mark at the end of your sentences. One question mark, if it's a question, is sufficient. 

Grammar: 2/5

Okay, so overall, your grammar needs quite a bit of work. It did get to a point where I genuinely was struggling to follow the story due to incorrect grammar. But, don't worry – I'm here to help you with that.

So, as mentioned above in the summary section, your ellipsis should only be three periods (...). Additionally, you have run-on sentences that need revising, a few of your sentences don't begin with capital letters, and, for the sake of redundancy, you do not need to use so many punctuation marks at the end of sentences. You don't need to say, "Hi!!!!!". If you want to show that a character is excited, describe it – but we'll get to this later.

Another major issue was your sentences. You were mostly in past tense, but you often fluctuated into present tense. For example, here are two sentences that are directly beside each other within the story:

The girl in the mirror beamed with a proud smile... [beamed = past tense]

As I wear my blazer... [wear = present tense]

Next, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Can you please reduce the TV volume" I screamed.

Since it is a question, it should be:

"Can you please reduce the TV volume?" I screamed.

Additionally, when more than one character is speaking, each character should have their dialogue in a new paragraph. For example:

"How was your day?" Dad asked on the dining table. I couldn't stop smiling like a kid who had got her favourite candy. "It was amazing!!" I replied.

It should be:

"How was your day?" Dad asked on the dining table.

I couldn't stop smiling like a kid who had gotten her favourite candy. "It was amazing!" I replied.