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Review by Nathan: The Emotionary

Title: The Emotionary 

Author: Matekar49

Reviewer: NathanRound

Summary: [no score - will not be included in final score]

It is safe to say that generally, the summary of a collection of poems tends to stray away from the traditional summaries of novelisations. It is a nice summary nevertheless as you still made it somewhat unique with that poetic quote.

Grammar + Punctuation: 2/5

Now your grammar and punctuation really needs some work.

Firstly, you neglect the use of punctuation in the vast majority of your poems, and it is needed in order to manipulate the flow and rhythm of your work. '2 a.m.' and 'Dying Voices' flowed very nicely, but only because I read them as if they included commas, full stops and other forms of punctuation. The thing is, most readers do this automatically, and it will sound and flow very nicely. However, if I were to read your poetry in the exact way it is actually written (I.e. without the use of punctuation), then it would become a hot mess, leaving myself gasping for air as there are literally no pauses to break up your clauses. The rules that writers follow when writing novels still apply to poetry to some extent, and so you need to include punctuation within your work.

But let's remove poetry out of the equation for a moment, but still focus on pacing. Now for the most part (still punctuation aside), your poems have a very smooth rhythm and flow beautifully, yet in some cases they do not. 'Our love' was one such example of where the rhythm sort of fell off, picked up again, and then fell off once more.

Now let's just take a look at one little snippet:

I was long walks on lonely beaches,

she was fast bike rides to where adventure reaches.

I was yellow soft comfortable hoods,

She was black leather like all "dudes."

This line right here:

She was black leather like all "dudes."

Kind of throws me off. I'm not entirely sure what it is -maybe it contains too few syllables or something- but it really sticks out. I'm not going to focus on the fact that 'dudes' does not rhyme with 'hoods,' as I'm not going to pretend that I know exactly how rhyming couplets work, especially when this is not the only time this happens. Yet I think it'd flow better as:  

She was black leather like all the "dudes."

Perhaps I need a second opinion? What do you think?

Furthermore, that last line could benefit with a pause as if to dramatise, and affect the pace once again, that final thought.

But at the end love is love.

Now just imagine how much better it would be, if you were to read it as:

But at the end (pause) love is love.

It flows so much better right? That is why this line is in dire need of a comma:

But at the end, love is love.

Last but not least, there were a few typos in some of your work, specifically 'I Am Brave.' However, they are fairly easy to spot and could be fixed with one simple quick edit.

Diction + Figurative Language: 4/5

Your use of language is extremely effective. You utilise similes, personification and metaphors beautifully –especially when some of your poems are extended metaphors themselves. In fact, your writing style is superb, which is why it was a shame to see that you neglected the use of punctuation. Punctuation itself can either enhance your writing style when used correctly, or work against it if used poorly. 

Meaning + Message Conveyed: 5/5

Your poems all convey a very clear, meaningful message. The purpose themselves are bold, and you tend to stick to one certain topic in a single poem. They all end on a very strong note that either closes the thought on which the poem consists of, or strengthens the conveyed message. Well done!

Emotions Evoked: 4/5

Did I feel your poems?

Absolutely! Not all though, as I feel some of your poems are tailored towards a specific target audience. As a result, I only related, felt and emphasised with a select few of your poems, but this is the case with the majority of poems and novelisations out there. They are great nevertheless.

OVERALL SCORE: 15/20

And, to all people reading this review, hold up one second! This is ray_of_sunshine9 and I have an important announcement. 

This is Nathan's final review as part of the community. He has decided to retire from the community and, while this obviously made me a little sad, I respect his decision and wish him the best in all his endeavours. 

Most people don't know this - in fact, Nathan doesn't even know this, I suspect - but he's actually a very special reviewer for me. On the 30th of October last year, Nathan requested a review from me, and it also happened to be my 13th review for this community. Then, five months later (on my birthday), Nathan received a second review from me. Then, about another four months later, he requested to be a reviewer. 

And, in all honestly, I was totally awe-struck. Why? Because I saw him grow as a reader, writer, and reviewer. I saw him go from having a basic understanding of semicolons to fully mastering them. I saw his writing become more polished and slick, and I saw this in both his writing and his reviews. 

In other words, I saw him grow and learn. And nothing makes me feel more happy than seeing that. 

Nathan: thank you so much for being part of the team. You've been such an absolute joy. Your reviews have been professional, you have always been very communicative and committed, and you are very, very talented. My wishes are with you for the journey ahead. May your life be filled with love, laughter, and beautiful writing. :)