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Review by Lone Wolf: Anonymous Notes

Title: Anonymous Notes

Author: hridiv

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 3/5

I think you tried to set up the suspense well, but there were a few things I wanted to point out.

Normally, if someone's banging their head on a wall, they hit their head on the wall, not with it (unless they managed to find a piece of a wall and hit themselves with it). The sentence right after that seems like it might be referring to Kane (the one about being kidnapped), but because it's positioned right after the sentence about Martin, it sounds like it's about him.

I also think you can combine some parts of the second and third paragraphs, like the parts about how time is running out and how his life will end if he doesn't work quickly.

I'll give a suggestion:

The next day, a note appears at his house, one that contains only one sentence that leads him on a trail of mystery. Very soon, it turns into a game of death!

Kane must solve the mystery of the notes, or his life will end. The chip within his body is capable of exploding at any time, but he will not give up in his pursuit of finding why Martin killed himself. Will you help him in his journey?

Grammar: 1/5

I know you asked me to not worry about this area too much, so I will not go too much into it. Just be careful of verb tenses and overwordiness (using the word 'the' too much). You've also got misspellings. There are many avoidable mistakes that you have, and I suggest either using Microsoft word (or even Google drive); it can pick on simple errors that might slip your eyes.

Or you can always ask an editor to help.

Character Building: 2/5

From what I read, I couldn't see the characters at all. How does detective Kane look? What about Belle? What kinds of voices do they have? I know it can be difficult trying to describe things when writing from a first person's POV, but we can see whatever the character is seeing. I honestly could not see the characters or the setting, which I found odd because detectives notice everything.

Kane seems to assume a lot of things and jumps right into the case. If he's an experienced detective where's the research? Where's the critical thinking? The plot itself rushes so much that it doesn't give time to fully understand what's going on.

He gives me the vibe of someone who's just started being a detective. The rushing (I understand that they might die because of the things in their bodies) seems immature to me.

Writing Style: 1/5

There's a lot of errors that makes it difficult to read. I'm not sure if English is your first language but from the way you wrote a majority of it, it sounds like it. If it isn't your primary language, please ask an editor to help you smooth it out.

There doesn't seem like there's a plot. It was (at least to me) that they get a note, they go and solve it and another problem or character pops up. Sometimes it's connected and sometimes it isn't. It's great at keeping the suspense up, but without descriptions of the characters or surroundings, the story feels incredibly flat.

Also, numbers are usually written out, unless it's some kind of date used to give an idea of the time or era.

Plot + Originality: 2/5

It's definitely unique. You keep the suspense going with a surprise at the end of most of the chapters.

But the lack of descriptions of the characters and surroundings, the immature approach the MC takes to handle the situation takes away the seriousness of the story for me. The chapters are also incredibly short; it makes everything too concise and choppy.

OVERALL SCORE: 9/25