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Review by Sunshine: Ten Thirteen One

Title: Ten Thirteen One

Author:PeetaEugenio

Summary: 4/5

Interesting summary! I love how it is basically one long metaphor throughout the entire summary, and this metaphor leads to the introduction of your protagonist and the journey 'her ride' takes her. You've chosen to branch away from the typical summary by keeping the conflict and stakes quite ambiguous, which is effective in its own way – it keeps the reader asking question.

You may want to consider revising tenses. You have sentences in present tense, and also sentences in past tense. For example:

... it makes her feel to not take another turn... [makes = present tense]

... she met the person who... [met = past tense]

Consider changing it all to present tense – that way, it sounds like the reader will be joining her on the journey. Additionally, consider correcting:

Some don't have much turning points.

It should be:

Some don't have many turning points.

Grammar: 2.5/5

For this section, I'm ignoring the grammar and punctuation that was in the 'Twitter messages' sent between characters. I assume that the use of 'u' instead of 'you' and the lack of apostrophes in contractions was an intentional choice to encapsulate the realism of online messaging.

Overall, your grammar could definitely use a bit of polishing up. I noticed a few bigger grammatical rules being broken – but don't worry, I'm here to break it down for you.

First of all – and this was, arguably, the biggest error I found – your tenses are all over the place. It goes from past to present to past to present, and sometimes, this happens in a single sentence. You need to smoothen it out and keep it consistent. For example:

The truth is I had one non-celebrity boyfriend before I enter show business.

In that example, the 'had' indicates past tense, but the 'enter' indicates that it hasn't even occurred yet. I would polish it up so that it looks like:

The truth is that I had one non-celebrity boyfriend before I entered show business.

Another similar example:

You've hadn't seen me.

That, if the contractions are removed, is:

You have had not seen me.

Again, tenses are all over the place. It should either be, You have not seen me, or, You had not seen me.

Overall, there were a lot of moments where your tenses fluctuated. I would revise that.

Next, dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"He went to the emergency room door to exit." Kate whispered.

'Kate whispered' directly refers to how the words are spoken. It should be: