Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: A Proper Stranger

Title: A Proper Stranger

Author: sweetbooklover25

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3/5

Overall, I think you had a great summary that could get readers in. It discusses the plot of the story, and has some rhetorical questions to keep the reader wondering. I think it would be a good idea if you introduce the main character a little—maybe talk about her name or something, just to give us a feel for her?

Also, usually summaries are written in third person. (They can be written in first person as well, if you wish.) In your case, you write in third person and the go on to say:

But I guess her beloved fate has some other plans for her...

Here, you say "I"—as in you, the author—and it kind of loses the professional feel of the summary. I suggest changing it to something along the lines of:

But fate had some other plans for her...

This way, you're not using the "I" pronoun, and it sounds a bit more cleaner and professional. This is just a tip as you can technically use "I" (in this form) in summaries, but it's not advised as it loses some of that professional feel.

Also, at the end of the summary it read:

To find out the answers to all these questions . Go ahead and read the book.

Firstly, it is grammatically incorrect to have a space between a full stop (or period). Secondly, there should be a comma in that place, not a full stop. It should be:

To find out the answers to all these questions, go ahead and read the book.

I think you have a pretty good summary, but watch out for the pronouns and the grammar typos!

Grammar: 2/5

(I won't be mentioning typos, but keep in mind there were a few, so be careful!)

The very first sentence of your story read:

Ring Ring Ring !!!!!!

There are quite a bit of mistakes here already. Firstly, the "r" doesn't need to be capitalised in the second and third "ring"—and there should, probably, be a comma between them. Secondly, the space between the last "ring" and exclamation mark is unnecessary. Also, never use more than one punctuation (like an exclamation mark or question mark) at the same time.

It should be:

Ring, ring, ring!

Or something along those lines.

Throughout your story, I also noticed some tense changes. Here is an example of a sentence:

Getting up on a Monday morning is such a huge task.

This sentence is in present tense. The next sentence, however, reads:

I wanted to sleep some more...

"Wanted" is a past tense word, which means these two sentences are different tenses. Usually, I see tense changes pop out of nowhere, and they're only occasional, but you might want to keep a look out for them.

In that same sentence, I noticed some errors continuing on. The entire sentence reads:

I wanted to sleep some more time nevertheless I got up and went to the balcony...