Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Elric: Mayhem

Title: Mayhem: God's Wrath

Author: TahsinHossain

Reviewer: ShirozouElric

Summary: [no score - will not be included in final score]

That's not a description. That's a prologue or excerpt at best. Descriptions are meant to give the readers insight as to how the plot is going to progress, not insight into the literature. What you wrote down doesn't have a name, a goal, or any glimpse as to what the story is about other than the fact that a girl, (who is unnamed) is close to death and the story is most probably fantasy. All this information can be found out in your tags itself. Reading the description won't grab the attention of anyone. Sorry.

I've glanced over the descriptions of your other works, and you do have a proper description in those, so why change it for this?

Also, if your story contains disturbing content, you MUST put a mature tag beforehand itself. Many people skip author's note and Wattpad has a young audience, you do not want them to get surprised when they come across extreme themes.

Grammar: 2/5

I've noticed after quotation marks; you use a hyphen. For example:

"Please.........answer......"-the girl said.

You don't use hyphens after quotations marks. You either use a comma right before o rafter OR in this specific case, just add a space and continue, no need for hyphens, in fact, it's wrong.

Another thing I've noticed, you use the word 'the' whenever you mention something for the first time. 'The' implies we already have knowledge of what you're talking about and it implies specificity. Like in the first chapter, when you mentioned the cottage, you used 'the cottage' as if we already know what cottage you're talking about, but we don't. It should have been 'a cottage', then you go ahead and explain what the cottage is all about. In the beginning of the first chapter, you mentioned the leader pushing the girl outside 'the door'. Now that line itself is not wrong; saying 'a door' is too vague, but the least you could have done was mention a door existed there in the first place, right? I know it's understood a room should have a door, but still, the way you mentioned the door will really throw off readers.

Side note –Split your book into paragraphs more. Some paragraphs go on and on.

Character Building: 3/5

The character building was enough to make sense. But try avoiding major character changes based on the situation. Like the MC is a nice guy, but when he was trying to save that girl, he just says 'kill them all'. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say there is a proper reason behind it that you will reveal later, but if there isn't, that's too sudden of a change. You should have shown his hesitation in ordering his dragon to kill the raiders, but then again, if there is some reason behind that, it works. 

Writing Style: 1/5

The story reads more like a descriptive retelling of events rather than a novel at times. And the vocabulary in certain places are weak for example you've used the phrases "Creating a deep cut" or "A lot of footsteps". Those phrases don't give the impression of a novel. Consider changing them and using wordplay at times, but be careful to not overdo on the wordplay, it's very important to strike a balance.

Plot: 4/5

Now this is your strong point. The plot is quite engaging and it's obvious you've been inspired by a multitude of sources, but not in a bad way. You've come up with your own formulas enough to set It apart but also the right amount to attract people who watch the genre of the shows you've taken inspiration from. With some polishing, the story can be very engaging and unique.

OVERALL SCORE: 10/20

Your storyline is good, but everything else is subpar. It doesn't matter how good itis if readers don't want to continue reading. I read it because I'm reviewing it, but I don't imagine other avid book readers doing the same, especially on Wattpad which has thousands of books with quality literature.

But then again, with polishing, your book can become a very enjoyable read.