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Review by Sunshine: The Cataclysm

Title: The Cataclysm

Author: ShirozouElric

NOTE: This review contains extensive spoilers, as well as correct speculations of what happens in chapters that haven't even been published by the author yet. If you are interested in reading this story, please avoid the plot and characterisation sections of this review.

Summary: 3.5/5

You've got quite an interesting summary! We have a rather vague opening sentence that introduces some of the concepts in a dramatic manner, and then we introduce someone who created the conflict (the war). This then leads into the introduction of the protagonists and their quest. I like the cohesive manner in which you introduce them, and the conflict is incredibly clear.

I do wonder, though, if you could perhaps flesh out that final paragraph more. What are the stakes? What will happen if they fail? Who even are they? Are they just random villagers, or is there something in particular that made them the ones to go on this quest?

Also, make sure all your sentences end with full-stops! 

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, your story is easy to read. However, the grammar and punctuation could use some polishing.

First of all, the biggest issue I found involved your tenses. You kept fluctuating from past to present tense – occasionally, this happened in a single sentence. I know that, in some instances, you jumped to present tense because you were telling the reader about the character's personality, but that should still be done in a tense consistent to the rest of the story. For example:

He spaced out and thought about his future. [spaced = past tense]

Though he puts up a frivolous façade, deep down, he's the complete opposite. [puts, he's = present tense]

You need to ensure that your tenses are consistent. Another example:

The scream of his friend Raynard still rang in his ears and the sight of his mother, hastily barging into the kitchen, that's one sight he can never forget.

There are a few issues within that sentence (for example, it is a run-on sentence). However, if we focus on tenses alone, it looks like this:

The scream of his friend Raynard still rang in his ears... [rang = past tense]

... that's one sight he can never forget. [can = present tense]

Once again, you need to ensure that the tenses are consistent.

Next, you need to make sure your nouns match the rest of the sentence – particularly involving singular and plural forms. For example:

"These two gentleman are the highest..."

Since we are talking about 'two' people, the noun should be in plural form. It should be:

"These two gentlemen are the highest..."

Next, let's talk about contractions. Whenever you are using a contraction, you must use the apostrophe to indicate that it is a contraction. For example:

"Lets help Dad!"

Since you were using the contraction of "let us", it should be:

"Let's help Dad!"