Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: Bubblegum Inc.

Title: Bubblegum Inc. 

Author: evo_eevee

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 4/5

I think your summary has everything there! It's very well done, and I think it's great. I did have some small problems, which I'll discuss now.

Firstly, grammar. I noticed that, inside the book, you used (—) em dashes when writing. However, a hyphen (-) was used in your summary. I recommend you change that so it's consistent.

I also found some other errors with titling "Bubblegum Inc.". Throughout the story, I noticed this was a recurring error. You forget to capitalise the "i" on "Inc." or the entire name itself—and it should be capitalised as it is part of a title and a name.

Another error I found was this sentence (I believed it needed a comma):

He smokes cigarettes, charms his way into the hearts of women and becomes a deadly premonition when paired with his human - Sasha or squirt as he's called her since she was eight.

Firstly, there should be a comma after "Sasha", due to the fact that if this was read aloud, there would be a small pause there. Secondly, I recommend "Squirt" to be capitalised (as it is a name—or, in this case, nickname) and also for there to be a comma after "women". In the end, it should be:

He smokes cigarettes, charms his way into the hearts of women, and becomes a deadly premonition when paired with his human — Sasha, or "Squirt" as he's called her since she was eight.

Other than those small problems, I believe you have a wonderful summary, and I couldn't wait to dive right in!

Grammar: 2.5/5

Your grammar was actually pretty decent when it comes to basics—it was just that some bits could be a little confusing for you.

Firstly, and this is a recurring error, "Squirt" should, preferably, be capitalised as it's a nickname.

Another error I noticed was the difference between "who's" and "whose". "Who's" is an abbreviation for "who is" and, to make it simpler to explain, "whose" is used pretty much everywhere else. It basically means "belong to or associated with which person" or "of whom or which", if you need a proper definition.

There were also times when words didn't have an apostrophe, like this example from Loading Screen (all examples mentioned are usually recurring unless stated otherwise):

"What about you, Lucas? Whats your plan for the day?"

I recommend you change "whats" to "what's".

Another huge problem of yours was tense changes. I don't blame you—they're really, really hard to get right—and I want to give an example of a tense change.

Rachel crosses her arms, igniting a glare so heated it could fry eggs with one nasty look. [This sentence is preset tense, with verbs such as "crosses" and "igniting" being from that tense.]

I held my breath, for both me and Sasha. ["Held" is in past tense (present tense is: "hold"), and it's "Sasha and I".]

Tenses usually changed between two paragraphs (but these two sentences were right next to each other), so I highly recommend you keep your tenses consistent (I believe most of it was in present tense).