Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Maryam: His Angel, Her Treasure

Title: His Angel, Her Treasure

Author: anupamarrao

Reviewer: Marykhah77

Summary: 4/5

You summary was very enticing. It felt like it flowed naturally from one paragraph to the next. I can tell what kind of writer you are from just reading that.

The only issues I had—and this is just me being picky—but I wish you mentioned her dream to become an actress. I also wanted to know the protagonists' name, but I understand if you wanted to keep that a secret.

Grammar + Punctuation: 3.5/5

Now, there weren't visible errors. If I was just skimming through the chapters, I probably would've skipped right past them.

First, there's dialogue. In order to write dialogue correctly, you must know about verbal tags. These phrases before or after dialogue tells the reader how the character said something. For example:

She asked. 

He said. 

They whispered. 

You seem to already know how to replace periods with commas, but whenever you have a question mark or exclamation point, you still keep it lower-case. Let me show you an example:

"Adi, come on in!" A woman, probably in her late 30s or early 40s, called from the doorstep.

In that example, you would still make the first letter lower-case since what follows after the closing quotation mark is a verbal tag.

"Adi, come on in!" a woman, probably in her late 30s or early 40s, called from the doorstep.

See how I made a lower-case? 

Now, let's move on to ellipses—you know, the three periods to show a line dying down? This ties back to the dialogue issues. I'll show you an example of what I mean:

"I guess..." Sharanya said with uncertainty...

She how everything following the closing quotation mark is a verbal tag? Here, you would have to put a comma. Let me show you:

"I guess...," Sharanya said with uncertainty...

Yes, it looks strange, but it is the correct way to write it. The same goes for interrupting em dashes. If what follows is a verbal tag, you would add a comma before the closing quotation mark.

[actually, ray_of_sunshine9 is here to disagree a bit. This is one of those instances where it is a matter of choice. Some authors say that ellipsis is punctuation, representing a kind of pause, so it is redundant to add another punctuation mark. However, certain style guides, such as The Chicago Manual of Style says that you do require a terminal punctuation mark after the ellipsis. So... either way, I guess, is correct. Just make sure that, whatever you choose, you keep it consistent!]

You mentioned you use British English, I tried to keep that in mind as I was reading. Since I use American English, my mind tends to mix the two in my head. 

Other than that, your grammar and punctuation was pretty clear.

Plot Development: 4.5/5

Wow! I absolutely loved the plot of your book. I think your book could totally become a coming-of-age novel. The concepts you discussed in it really widened my world. Great job!

There was seriously nothing I hated about the plot. It started a bit slow, but I think you intended it to so you could give more of a background—which I didn't mind at all.

The only thing I found, and seriously, it was incredibly hard for me to find anything, was that I wished you mentioned the goals of Sharanya in the summary. It would give readers a bit more of an idea of what they're getting themselves into. It's romance, which you mentioned, but talk about her dreams to become an actress. Give us something other than the romance to root for.

Seriously, I absolutely adore the plot of your novel. It's inspirational, but it still had romance, and overall, it was completely something I immersed myself in. Again, excellent job.

Character Development: 4.5/5

The characters you wrote were very relatable and very realistic. I could tell how you intended for them to be, so well done.

It's very hard for me to ever give perfect scores; I tend to be extremely picky. So if I really took apart your characters (that sounded so much better in my head), then I'd say that the character's relationships were bit too rushed. Other than that, good job.

Characterisation: 3/5

I'm not sure if I skipped over this, but did you ever describe the characters' appearance? Whenever you add another character, can you try to describe their appearance right away? I'm not saying you should describe them word-for-word; you should leave some for the reader's imagination.

Also, I felt like your characters were too similar. They don't have the same goals, but they did have similar personalities. Try to make them all vary so they're memorable to the reader.

I really like Sharanya. She's a character that I know can inspire so many people to chase after what they want. It sounds cliché, but the way you executed it was so unique to other writers. Well done creating Sharanya.

OVERALL SCORE: 19.5/25

Overall, a very enjoyable read. I'm glad you asked me to review it; I enjoyed reading and writing this review! Just work on the grammar and add to your summary, and you should be good to go.

If you have any questions, please PM me, Marykhah77.