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Review by Lone Wolf: Last Letter

Title: Last Letter

Author: anuvashah

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 2/5

It's nice in how it sets up a 'pseudo' plot and suspense. But there are grammatical errors that overshadow the summary and make it difficult to read.

Instead of starting off with 'The story revolves around a girl, Alice...', I'd suggest not using that introduction. We know it's a story. Instead, maybe you could start with 'Alice struggles to get through the annoyances of high school, along with her friends'. You're missing a period at the end of that paragraph.

The next standalone sentence doesn't really make any sense. 'She also takes a stand for the girl loves...' I did notice that you have an LGBTQ+ tag, so this is what I'd suggest for that sentence:

She also takes a stand for the girl she loves, fighting through obstacles and expectations, just to be with her.

Grammar: 2/5

I don't want to comment on this section too much, because I think English isn't your first language. I'll go over a few simple mistakes though.

Dialogue tags always have commas. Like: ** "To be honest, I find it really cool," says Emma.** It's okay to not have a comma if you're ending it with a question mark.

Always remember to end a sentence with a period, or some punctuation mark. Ellipses should be used in moderation...like when you're trying to make a point or show the deadpaness of a character. But using them...too much...takes...away...the...effect...

If you're naming a school or something of distinction, remember to capitalize it. Like the school's name in the story: Bay View High.

I noticed that you switch between present and past tense with your verbs. Be careful of this! If you do need help, I'd suggest an editor. They're a lot more detail oriented about grammatical matters.

Character Building: 1/5

Within the first chapter you introduce many, many people and it made the scene confusing and overrun with dialogues. I couldn't see the characters at all. The only person who had a semi introduction was Alex.

I'd suggest toning the entry chapter down to a few friends. Although it does show how close the group is with each other, the dialogues are confusing and cumbersome.

There aren't really any descriptions of the environment. I've been through high school and I know how a majority of them look. What does Alice see though? You've got potential to describe things as she sees them! Does Alex smell nice when she comes near her? What's her voice like? Show instead of telling. It's easier to show how much someone likes another person than you think, instead of just saying, "This is why I like her."

Writing Style: 1/5

There weren't many descriptions and I believe you might've had a bit of trouble with the enter button, because a majority of the paragraphs look like they were smushed up against each other.

There are a lot of grammar mistakes. I think you should ask an editor for help to go over your story, as they'd be a lot better than I would be.

I can't see the characters or their environment. The only character who seemed to have any descriptions was Alex. If you're wanting to show us the characters, describe them to us. High school is a crazy time in people's lives! There's definitely a lot going on. If you need to take out a few characters, nothing's wrong with that.

I feel like the story was written in a hurry just from seeing the hastiness of the dialogues and pacing of the story, and the amount of mistakes.

Plot + Originality: 2/5

It's definitely unique. I love how there's more LGBTQ+ stories these days. Awkward high schoolers make it even more fun!

But if you write a story in a hurry, without checking grammar or even reading over it to check pacing of plot and characters, it'll cause the story to fall incredibly flat. I know you know your characters. But you need to read the story with a fresh perspective. Who are these guys? How will my readers judge them? There's a million questions that writers have to go through before even publishing a chapter.

OVERALL SCORE: 8/25

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