Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Kate: Winglet - Coyotes

Title: Winglet - Coyotes

Author: Degal_Heartfang

Reviewer: icecreamtherapy

Thank you for requesting a review from me! The focus of this review will be on Character Building and Writing Style.

Summary: 4/5

To start off, I love that your summary provides generous detail about our main characters, highlighting their unique circumstances and drawing readers in with the urge to find out more. Nicely done!

At the same time, there are a few ways to better your summary. You could provide readers with a more complete overview by introducing the setting of your story. This can be achieved with a brief description, or a mention of the name of the city/country in which it takes place.

In addition, the more coherent the summary, the more effective it is as a hook. Let's look at this sentence: Being in line for being one of the most dangerous gang leaders, Aureus faces trouble like no other.

It's a bit awkward to repeat "being", so you could improve the flow of this sentence by rewriting it as such: And being set to inherit the position of one of the most dangerous gang leaders means that Aureus faces trouble like no other.

Also, "trouble" used in this context suggests danger, which doesn't quite represent the activities described in the following paragraph. Consider this phrasing instead: ...means that Aureus doesn't get to grow up like the ordinary Dragonet.

From the second paragraph: ...one or two dragonets his dad drug home for him to play with. In this case, "drug" is used incorrectly. The past tense of "drag" is "dragged", but since your summary begins in the present tense, the word used in this sentence should be "drags". On the same note, "until he met her" should be written as "until he meets her". Keep an eye out for such errors when editing!

Grammar: 2.5/5

There's no doubt that you're a good writer, but the coherence of your story has unfortunately been compromised by multiple grammar mistakes. Since this is not a focal point of the review. I'll just touch on some of the more major / commonly-made errors and keep this section short.

Prologue: large city of Yucca City → large city of Yucca (unnecessary to repeat "city")

Each step he took forward, she took back → For every step he took forward, she took one step back (improved clarity)

Chapter 1: ...said a MudWing, his scrawny body seemed strange for his kind. → ...said a MudWing, his body unusually scrawny for his kind. (improved fluency)

Mom and dad much really not like that idea → Mom and Dad don't seem to like that idea much (more coherent)

Take note of these common misspellings:

- "knob" as "nob"

- "breathe" as "breath"

- "idiot" as "idoit"

When editing, comb through your work more carefully to pick up on such typos and less obvious errors like those related to punctuation. Also, reading your work out loud may help you identify areas where you can improve the fluency of your language.

Character Building: 4.5/5

Your characters are beautifully constructed. Both Hare and Aureus made a deep impression on me from their first appearance, which I absolutely love.