Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Cherylene: Forever

Title: Forever

Author: fallenaengel

Reviewer: QuinerSacyLove

Summary: 4/5

The summary was an aesthetic summary. I usually don't like one line blurbs, but yours was related, intriguing and used in the story, so all is good.

Grammar: 3/5

I am going to give examples, so that you can understand where I am coming from.

"But I'm not your friend." Little me told him.

Since you have used a dialogue tag here, the period should be changed to a comma. Explaining further, dialogue tags are basically, I said to him, with any word replacing I or him. Action tags are usually the actions you do while saying that thing. With action tags, you should put a period, but with said/told/whispered/shouted etc., you should put a comma.

"But I am eternally grateful to that teacher- Ms. Martin, for it was because of her, something began, forever."

Firstly, when you want to separate a word from the rest of the sentence, or put an emphasis on it, it is better to use commas, than hyphens or dashes. Secondly, if a dash is there, it has to be paired with a dash. So, it is either,

"But I am eternally grateful to that teacher -- Ms. Martin -- for it was because of her, something began, forever."

Or: 

"But I am eternally grateful to that teacher, Ms. Martin, for it was because of her, something began, forever."

Thirdly, commas provide a pause. If you read this sentence with pauses for commas, it sounds really weird. The comma before something, should be removed. The emphasis is on forever, but this way, it is on 'something began'.

Also, I can't find the example right now, but somewhere, you have put a space before the comma, which, if viewed in a different format, looks awkward.

I would have given more examples, but I rest the matter here. I suggest nitpicking errors throughout your story, or hiring an editor from our community to do the same.

Characterisation: 5/5

I fell in love with the characters. Those three dimensional, not Mary-Sue characters were very good. The aesthetics at the beginning, were wonderful, and suited each persona perfectly. You made me learn real good words, like mephobic.

Writing Style: 4.5/5

The writing style was great, if you exclude the grammar errors. Ending each chapter with forever was something that not everyone can do.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

No words here. 

OVERALL SCORE: 21.5/25

The book, overall, is good. I think your only weak spot is the grammar.

If you want any clarity with any point, do ask. Did my review help you? Hopefully it did. I will reply after I stop the river flowing from my eyes.