Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Sunshine: Beyond the Veil

Title: Beyond the Veil

Author: cool_reader_

Summary: 5/5

I think your summary is pretty spot on. You introduce your protagonist, you introduce a bit of her relevant backstory (her abilities), and then the major conflict is outlined. And, obviously, the stakes are clear – her life is literally on the line. I really like the recurring theme of secrets and truths, and I'm actually very excited to read this. That is a sign of a good summary – well done!

Not sure if this was an accident or whether Wattpad was formatting weirdly, but for some reason, the part, 'she faces the worst truths of her life...' is divided into two lines. Maybe consider fixing that up? It could always just be my laptop messing with me, of course. I thought I'd mention it, just in case. 

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, I noticed that your first few chapters were a lot more polished than your last few. But, don't worry, I'm here to break the general rules down for you.

First of all, we'll talk about dialogue. Whenever a character is speaking and their dialogue extends over a few paragraphs, you still need the quotation marks at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate this. For example, you wrote:

"The murderer always leaves the knife behind. So far, we couldn't find anything about the killer. But we'll find him soon. That's my promise to you.

Until then, please don't go out with strangers."

It should be:

"The murderer always leaves the knife behind. So far, we couldn't find anything about the killer. But we'll find him soon. That's my promise to you.

"Until then, please don't go out with strangers."

While we are still onto dialogue, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"If you don't, my confession will be useless." she said.

It should be:

"If you don't, my confession will be useless," she said.

Another example:

"... at least you know now that your mother wasn't always a monster.", Edna said.

It should be:

"... at least you know now that your mother wasn't always a monster," Edna said.

And, an addition to that, since it is a comma instead of a period, you assume it is all one sentence. So, let's look at the following example:

"Liz," She said more firmly this time.

Since it is one sentence, you do not need to capitalise 'she'. It should be:

"Liz," she said more firmly this time.

Next – and this happened only in the later few chapters – you changed tense. For example:

"Our little princess is finally awake," a womanly voice blooms while cackling loudly. [blooms = present tense. Also, how does a voice bloom? Did you mean boom?]