Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Kate: Book Writing

Title: Book Writing

Author: GaeaValdez222

Reviewer: icecreamtherapy

Summary: 2/5

First, your summary covers some of the basic information required — such as who the main character is and where the story takes place. That's great!

At the same time, there are other details that you could include to make it more complete. For example, the stakes of your story aren't clearly illustrated in this summary. What exactly is at risk? (Save the world how?)

Who are the "people" mentioned? In what way are their purposes "bad"? Perhaps use a more specific word/phrase in place of "bad".

In addition, there is a small logical gap here: ...all while learning of his true identity.

It's a bit sudden to spring this on the reader with no prior mention of Aruke's "identity". Hence, it's crucial to first establish that Aruke previously did not know of his true identity. Also, true identity in what sense? His parentage? His name? Give us more details to avoid a vague summary.

Next, let's talk about grammar. Take a look at this sentence: Sure, he wasn't all the special, living in Yukon, Canada despite being half-American, half-Japanese, but he had always been the kind to not listen to conspiracy theories.

Typo: Sure, he wasn't all the special → Sure, he wasn't all that special.

Also, take note of your usage of but. But is used as a conjunction when the second clause in a sentence contrasts the first. In this case, there are many people who don't believe in conspiracy theories, so bring a nonbeliever doesn't exactly tell us that Kin Aruke is special.

Grammar: 3/5

On the whole, your grammar is fine. However, there are a number of noticeable errors.

In "Making the Decision to Wield it": I quickly took out some bandages I always bring around with me → I quickly took out some bandages I always brought around with me. (Incorrect tense)

In "The Beginning of the Beginning": Despite all that, however, there are...

This is a redundant repetition. Despite all that and however serve similar purposes, so just pick one instead of using both.

...our determination high → ...our determination strong. (Incorrect adjective)

"Making the Decision to Wield it": "Hieru" shot a bullet to Konju's leg → "Hieru" shot a bullet at Konju's leg. (Incorrect proposition)

"Spring Cleaning": I was not in a good mood...but I had been kept up all night with my negative thoughts → I was not in a good mood...because I had been kept up all night by my negative thoughts. (Incorrect conjunction)

Character Building: 2/5

From my interpretation of this story, Aruke's stutter isn't a speech disorder, but rather a response to fear (correct me if I'm wrong.) Therefore, I feel that stuttering is overused in Aruke's speech.

Stuttering is helpful when you want to display emotions such as anxiety and fear, but too much of it can make your character appear unrealistic instead.