Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Sunshine: Dabara Tumbler

Title: Dabara Tumbler 

Author: omahazeeya

Summary: [no score – will not be added to final score]

I've decided not to score the summary, simply because it doesn't follow the path of a traditional summary. However, I do like how that, in two short sentences, you've perfectly shown the reader your characters, your setting, and the direction of the story. Well done!

Please make sure your summary is polished – especially that first sentence, which is missing a comma and has a hyphen instead of an em dash. It should be:

Himani Narayan, a sous chef, owns Dabara Tumbler – a food blog. 

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, your story could definitely use some polishing. Don't worry – I'm here to break it down for you by discussing some of the fundamentals that you're getting wrong.

Let's talk about dialogue first. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Good morning, Kannaa." Suha said her voice slow, soft and warm.

Apart from the punctuation before the closing inverted commas being inaccurate, you're also missing a comma after said. It should be:

"Good morning, Kannaa," Suha said, her voice slow, soft and warm.

Also, another important thing with dialogue: if a new character is speaking, their dialogue must be in a separate paragraph. For example:

I yelled, "You're so insensitive, Khushi." She threw her head back in a sour laugh, and muttered to herself, "as if you're very sensitive to everything around."

It should be:

I yelled, "You're so insensitive, Khushi."

She threw her head back in a sour laugh and muttered to herself, "As if you're very sensitive to everything around."

Also, keep dialogue tags in the same paragraph as the dialogue. For example:

"I'll be back."

Raghav declared, flinging his leg to the front.

It should be:

I'll be back," Raghav declared, flinging his leg to the front.

Also, if there isn't a verbal dialogue tag and you use a period before the closing inverted commas, you must capitalise the next word since, technically, it is a new sentence. For example:

"Still, a no." she wasn't giving up.

It should be:

"Still, a no." She wasn't giving up.

Also watch out for the basics: you had run-on sentences, sentences not starting with capital letters, and sentences missing full-stops. Additionally, there are some common words you are mixing up a little bit. For example:

May be, because, I knew it beforehand.

'Maybe', in that scenario, is actually one word.