Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: Hidden Friends

Title: Hidden Friends

Author: GaeaValdez222

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3/5

In general, I think you have an interesting summary! It isn't too long, but it gets its point across. I'd recommend not using "P.S" in your summary (for the sake of professionalism) and, instead, write those extra facts on a paragraph of their own.

I also think you might want to elaborate more on a "deadly plan", as now, I have no idea why this plan is deadly, and why it might affect the lives of those in the CG Realm. It would make me feel a little more inclined to feel more sorry or worried for the Cell Gods if I knew what that "plan" would do.

In terms of grammar, it was pretty clean, so well done! There wasn't anything I could see that was wrong with it, in terms of grammar, so well done!

Overall, an interesting summary. You might want to clean up the ending and elaborate more on the "deadly plan", but other than that it was an interesting summary!

Grammar: 3/5

In terms of grammar, there weren't too many issues, but I did see some:

In 0(?):

It was an orange-haired girl with a height of around 4.33 inches She wore a long...

I think it was supposed to have a full stop:

It was an orange-haired girl with a height of around 4.33 inches. She wore a long...

And in the same chapter:

"The worlds, will collide," the one called Friendliness agreed.

In this sentence, the comma after "worlds" is actually unnecessary. It should be:

"The worlds will collide," the one called Friendliness agreed.

If you wanted to show a pause, I suggest putting an ellipses (dot dot dot) instead.

For the sake of professionalism, I also suggest you actually write out the numbers (for example, write 4 as "four"). This is just so that it looks and feels more professionally done.

When you want to put emphasis on a word, you usually capitalise. Take the example:

She was WAY younger than them...

It makes it seem as if it was shouted at by someone, and is kind of surprising. I usually would italicise the word (that's making it slanted, basically), for the same reason as above (professionalism).

Here is another error:

I'll just have to go along with it and hope they don't learn the truth about me. She decided.

This is an error as thoughts work in a similar way dialogue does; they're part of a sentence. And if you put a period, but a verbal tag (or, in this case, a non-verbal tag, I suppose), it is technically grammatically incorrect. I suggest you change it to:

I'll just have to go along with it and hope they don't learn the truth about me, she decided.

I loved that you actually wrote the names out in their original language (and translated it in brackets). It was a cool thing to do, but sometimes brackets would not have a close bracket—or, there wasn't a space between the word and the bracket. I suggest trying to clean that up [I noticed errors similar to this in 1(?) so I suggest you clean that up].