Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: Paroxysm Blasphemy

Title: Frozen Grimoire: Paroxysm Blasphemy 

Author: Sarakel_15

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3/5

In general, I think you have a really enticing summary—it sounds very dark and mysterious! However, it could be a little confusing at times, and there were some grammatical errors.

In the first line there was a phrasing error:

"We risen from the ashes as one-To be awaken as light against the darkness of night like fireflies flying at the dim sight."

So, let's dissect this. Firstly, some phrases are incorrect (such as 'we risen' and 'dim sight'), and make it seem a little confusing. I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to say, but I tried to stick along the lines (corrected phrases in bold):

"We have risen from the ashes as one-To be awakened as light against the darkness of night like fireflies flying in the dim light."

Next, let's go over grammar. Firstly, you are missing a comma after 'night'—without it, the sentence is a little confusing and hard to read. Secondly, in this part:

"... as one-To be awakened..."

(-) is a hyphen, which is used to put two words together (e.g. blue-eyed). If you use it without a space between it and the words, it's technically incorrect. You should use an em dash (—) or an en dash (–)—which is a longer hyphen, basically. However, they are different as they are dashes and are supposed to be used in this scenario. I understand you're going through editing, so I noticed the use of em dashes—and it was used correctly, however, there's no need to capitalise the word that comes after it. It is still technically part of the sentence and, therefore, does not need to be capitalised. I suggest you change it to:

"... as one—to be awakened..."

Or: 

"... as one – to be awakened..."

So, with the added comma, phrasing corrections, and dash, it should look a little like:

"We have risen from the ashes as one—to be awakened as light against the darkness of night, like fireflies flying in the dim light."

There were similar phrasing errors in the summary, so I suggest you do a quick reread to see where they are. There was also another comma error in this sentence:

She, a young mistress known as Sarakel M. Historia, retrieved from a parallel world after being lost for almost decade now stood with great responsibility in her hands.

Firstly, there should be a comma after 'decade' (as, when reading it aloud, there would typically be a pause). Also, it should be 'lost for almost a decade'. So, in the end, it should be:

She, a young mistress known as Sarakel M. Historia, retrieved from a parallel world after being lost for almost a decade, now stood with great responsibility in her hands.

Overall, you have a very mysterious summary—with a wide range of vocabulary—but there were some times when you were missing a word or two that made phrasing unclear, and there were some missing commas.

Grammar: 3/5

There were quite a few errors with grammar, but that's okay because grammar's extremely hard.