Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Grace: Forbidden

Title: Forbidden 

Author: OptimisticDragonfly

Reviewer: Grace_Love_Writes

Note from Reviewer: 

Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer and sorry for it taking a while. :) 

Summary: 4/5

Your summary is captivating. I like how you've mentioned a secret in there, it's made me interested to know what the secret is. I also like how you ended the summary with that one question: Or will they be destroyed?

Grammar: 4/5

I've read a few chapters and from what I can see, your grammar seems to be on point, so there's nothing I can really say here.

Characters: 3.5/5

To me, it felt like your characters were on a bit of a rollercoaster with their emotions. At the start of the story, Gavin seemed like a genuine, kind guy and there was points where he seemed as though he was a strong character. However, when it got to the point of Ethan being practically tortured by The Jackall King, Gavin became less strong. I would've expected that he would've done more to help. Onto Ethan now, I hated him at the start because his opinion of Gavin changed so drastically but then towards the end, I quite liked Ethan. I enjoyed how at the start, it seemed as though he was shown as a nervous and scared character. He seemed like that character that held a lot of emotion. What I liked about the change in Ethan was how he seemed nervous at the start and then you had him willingly telling Gaven to go and save himself, which I thought was a lovely change. The way you've written the love between Gaven and Ethan is so heartwarming. They could've given up on each other but they didn't which was lovely. The only downfall I found is in Gaven. He is a prince right? He would have more of a range of vocabulary, him and Ethan sound alike at some points. You want the readers to tell the difference between your characters but it's difficult when they sound alike. You've built your characters quite well, I just feel as though they need a bit of polishing up.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Your writing is very good, at some points you can keep a really good flow and rhythm. In chapter two, you change in a confusing way. You mention Gaven's father at the start, it's really short and then it just cuts to him being introduced to Ethan and the same happens at the end of that chapter. I didn't see the whole concept of adding his thoughts about his father at the start. Adding it at the end, that's understandable. I would also like to say you have a creative imagination when it comes to describing somewhere. I can honestly picture it from your words.

Plot + Originality: 4.5/5

This plot is such a big difference to other ones I've read. It was really refreshing to read it. I honestly loved reading it. You've clearly spent a while planning this plot because it is thought out really well.

OVERALL SCORE: 19.5/25

I wasn't feeling the story at the start but the more I read on, I got a little bit hooked. I honestly did shed a few tears at the part when you went back into the past with Blythe's and Ethan's friendship. The ending broke my heart but you ended it in such a beautiful way. You've done really well on your story. I just recommended polishing up your characters a tad bit. I just want to point out that the cover doesn't really go.