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Review by Tahsin: Molly

Title: Molly

Author: fullredamancy-

Reviewer: TahsinHossain

Summary: 3/5

Your summary is just a description of the story, nothing significant. It was as simple as it could be and was lacking. Like, use more beautiful words! Like, you added a little description of what was happening, but add something like this before that: 

"What will a man do when everything he once had - once cherished - gets taken away, snatched away from him?

What should he do when he sees his life - his love - moving away from him?

What would you do?"

You don't have to make it exactly like that, but you get the gist, no?

Now, the last line, the chance of getting his love back, you should remove it. As the ending didn't have any such twist, you should not add such a line which will mean something different.

Grammar: 3/5

The main problem in your story was punctuation and capitalization. Especially in the dialogue parts. Most of the parts were like this: 

"you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine" I answered.

It should be: 

"You okay?" he asked. 

"I'm fine," I answered. 

And the dialogue tags. They are important. As someone who didn't know about these tags, I suffered greatly.

If the character does an action, use a full-stop before the closing inverted commas. Such as: 

"I love you." I kissed her.

And it relates to the words being spoken, it should be: 

"I love you," I said, grinning.

Except these, there were a few typos and such, but not many.

Writing Style: 4/5

Your style is amazing, capable of bringing out the reader's emotion from the inside. The way of portraited the MC's sadness over losing his love was amazing. I really loved it, and hope for more good things in the future from you.

Characters: 2/5

While you said it was based on a song and that didn't leave much scope of giving a vast cast, you should have at least give a fair amount of development to the characters. Especially the MC's friends, who asked him if he was okay in the first part.

I get that yours was a short story, but you should have given some description of them and how they supported the MC. Also, yes, again I know that the story was based on a song, but it's a story nonetheless, so you should have given more time between Molly and the MC.

And it was also not clear why they had to break up in the first place. I mean, yeah, the MC had to go abroad, but you didn't give any reason behind that. It all happened too fast. I will suggest you rewrite the middle parts, and give some more time between them.

Plot + Originality: 4/5

I never saw any book that was based on a song, entirely on a song. Bravo for that! And the cover was nice, too. 

OVERALL SCORE: 16/25

Fix the dialogues and typos, increase the time and description, put in some more emotions and we'll have a marvellous story in our hands!