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Review by Sunshine: Raine

Title: Raine

Author: SeraphAnuni

Summary: 3.5/5

Your summary is pretty good – it introduces the protagonist and hints at the conflict to come, and the use of rhetorical question is a great way to keep the reader engaged. I already feel for Raine – it's not nice being forced into a marriage you don't particularly want. However, I think your summary is lacking in a bit.

Your summary should give us an overall outline of the story (without spoiling, of course), and should also show us what the stakes are, as well as what will actually happen. Thus far, we know what Raine wants, but we don't know what she will actually do about the destiny she is being forced into. You have to show the reader what Raine does, how this begins the conflict, and how this will make the stakes emerge.

Otherwise, you're doing a great job! I recommend looking at the summaries of professionally written novels and seeing how they structured their summaries. 

Grammar: 2.5/5

Okay, so your grammar definitely needs some work. But, that's okay – I'm here to help.

First of all, you have basic mistakes littered throughout your entire story. You have some sentences that do not begin with capital letters, you have some bits of dialogue that are missing the closing inverted commas at the end, you have spelling errors (you misspell Hellion, too), and you also have run-on sentences. I recommend reading your story aloud to find some of these errors. Whenever you read a sentence and you find a spot that needs a meaningful pause for it to be cohesive, consider adding punctuation. For example:

We stop and freeze listening if they are still approaching.

That sentence, for it to make sense, requires a comma. And, even with the comma, the sentence doesn't quite make sense. Consider:

We stop and freeze, listening out for their muffled footsteps.

Next, let's talk dialogue. You keep putting the inverted commas in the incorrect spot. When you have dialogue, the opening inverted commas should be directly next to the dialogue, and should be a space away from anything else before it (unless it is the start of a paragraph). For example:

He tips his hat forward." Good mornin', Asher."

That is incorrect. It should be:

He tips his hat forward. "Good mornin', Asher."

Another thing with dialogue: if dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Yes, it's for real," I see Ford standing there.

That above example is incorrect. Since, 'I see Ford standing there' is not a verbal tag (it's not how she says the dialogue), it should be:

"Yes, it's for real." I see Ford standing there.

Next, contractions. Whenever you're writing "it is", but you're contracting it, make sure you include the apostrophe so that it is "it's" instead of "its". Additionally, be careful – you tend to mix up "your" and "you're" a lot. For example: