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Review by Sunshine: Revenge

Title: Revenge

Author: weavingdreams08

Summary: 3/5

There are some great things happening in your summary. I love the intrigue that surrounds it, and the setting and introduction of Mrs Brooke is absolutely fantastic. Well done! However, there are a few things missing – for example, what exactly is the conflict of the story? I think you just need to add a sentence or two so that the direction of the story is clear to the reader. What is the relevance of the spirit? What should the reader expect? What are the stakes?

Additionally, watch out for little typos and grammar. You're missing a few commas, you fluctuate between 'Mrs Brooke' and 'Mrs Brookes', and you also wrote:

... blamed on the haunting of Mrs Brooke'd daughter's spirit.

I think you meant:

... lamed on the haunting of Mrs Brooke's daughter's spirit. 

Grammar: 2.5/5

Overall, your story was pretty easy to read, but there were some grammar and punctuation errors that made the story a bit distracting. Don't worry, though – I'm here to talk about them.

First of all, when words such as 'mum' and 'dad' and 'gran' are being used as proper nouns (as in, that is what replaces their name), then they must be capitalised. For example:

I remembered gran's soft voice soothing me when I she found me crying in my bed after mother died.

Apart from the typo (I think the extra 'I' is accidental), you need to ensure the proper nouns are capitalised. That, or you can change them so they are no longer proper nouns. So, it can either be:

I remembered Gran's soft voice soothing me when she found me crying in my bed after Mother died.

Alternately, it can be:

I remembered my gran's soft voice soothing me when she found me crying in my bed after my mother died.

By changing it to 'my mother', it is no longer a proper noun, and therefore, does not need to be capitalised.

Next, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Don't cry, chip." she said.

It should be:

"Don't cry, chip," she said.

Also, watch out for the basic grammar rules – you have sentences missing full-stops, as well as sentences where random words are unnecessarily capitalised, such as:

At Least it wasn't the girl Kate had seen.

It should be:

At least it wasn't the girl Kate had seen.

You also have run-on sentences here and there. Remember, subordinate clauses should separated from independent clauses. For example:

Putting aside the papers of the house I moved to clean up other papers that were scattered around dad's desk.