Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Faye: The Multiversal Criminal

Title: The Multiversal Criminal

Author: STRILON

Reviewer: Fayesther

I have been asked to focus on the grammar and writing style in this review, so I have changed the layout of my review accordingly. I decided against giving a score as I didn't think it would work for this review. But here is my honest feedback.

Description: 

The description is an ideal length! It is short and packs a punch! Giving enough information to intrigue the reader! That is not the easiest thing to do and I take my hat off to you for executing it so well!

Grammar: 

I have noticed grammatical errors here and there but they were few and far between!

But because you asked me to focus on grammar, I thought that I'll let you know of an error that I found that would be a quick fix. (Like I said, I didn't find many).

I found clumsy punctuation in chapter one-

"... They are rhythmic. To be fair," Jayden looked with a serious face at Sir Sanduo," those are beats. Heartbeats." 

The edit would be:

"... They are rhythmic, to be fair." Jayden looked with a serious face at Sir Sanduo. "Those are beats, heartbeats."

This was not a reoccurring problem in your story. Other sections of speech throughout the story were punctuated beautifully.

I also found typos throughout the story. I tried to pinpoint them in the comments as I read.

Writing Style: 

From the prologue and all the way through I was impressed by the power of this story!

You have a captivating style of writing that guides the reader into your new world with ease. You have a true gift in descriptive writing as you gradually communicate ingenious new ideas into the reader's mind with a subtlety that does not overwhelm the reader, but encourages small steps further into a far away universe.

A favourite part of mine that I would love to rave about is Sierra's natural yearning to experience rain! Such beautiful writing that made me immediately understand her character whilst also realising how blessed I am that I can so easily experience rain! An experience I have long took for granted.

The only issue I have noticed in this story (and this is not a big issue by any means!) is that there are times where the dialogue can come across as a bit disconnected- mostly when the characters are talking casually to one another. As I read these sections I noticed a lack of emotion. A few minuscule pieces of detail could be inserted to show the reader how the characters felt when interacting with each other. However, that being said, the dialogue where the characters are talking professionally is written incredibly! Explaining the science of how this vast multi universe worked by using the characters' speech was very effective and helped a non-scientific minded person as myself to fully grasp the concepts that you have brought to this story.

Another thought: I have always been on the fence in regards to character introduction chapters. In some stories I've read on Wattpad I have found them off putting and I am not too keen on the celebrity photos (that is my personal preference). But in this book I have found these chapters useful to get a full picture of the story. There is such a vast variety of characters that without this extra information I may have gotten a bit lost at times.

Overall: 

I hope that you gather from this review that I truly enjoyed your story! It is everything a sci-fi lover like me is looking for! A MASSIVE new world full of so many possibilities that I could never dream up myself! But as well as being able to satisfy the sci-fi nerd in me you were also able to bring it all down to base with great descriptions of the characters' inner turmoil and emotions. A fabulous piece of work that I am excited to dive deeper into once updated! I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this story!