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Review by John: ALLEN: The Alien Who Can Hear Your Heartbeat

Title: ALLEN: The Alien Who Can Hear Your Heartbeat 

Author: TitaniaAvery

Reviewer: Tumike-John

Summary: 2/5

Blurbs are usually written in present tense (it's better that way). The summary tells what's GOING to happen in the story — not what has already happened. The readers want an adventure, something they can follow, like a road to a castle (except nobody has seen this castle). With this, you can add plot twist: turns out the road doesn't lead to a castle. If you want a professional summary, make it written in present tense.

What I like about the summary is that it is thrilling. Yes, you have mentioned it has romance elements stewed in it, but I'm still curious how the MC will track the character. How will a stolen coffee lead the plot? Good job on that, seriously! It's short — and goes straight to the point.

Grammar: 4/5

First, your punctuations are on point. I didn't notice any error. The grammar, too, was nearly spotless. This fantastic organisation improved the flow as I read. However, I found a teeny-tiny issue in the first chapter. When Georgina mentioned about Allen's ability to teleport, I suggest not capitalising the 't' in teleport — when not needed, though:

She crossed her arms. "You can Teleport."

Instead: She crossed her arms. "You can teleport."

It's just teleportation, right? Nothing else. We'd understand it without the capitalisation. Also, putting the 't' in uppercase doesn't add any value to that dialogue. Same goes to 'dash'. 

Another part, in the same chapter, Allen saw sadness 'flicker' in her eyes. You used 'flickered'.

You should also work on phrasing. Go for the regular said, asked, and replied. I noticed you used barked, growled, demanded, snapped; I'd suggest you use these words for dialogue tags sparingly. It won't hurt to go for the regular — it's easier to read, and we won't have to stress imagining the character's voice. Go for their facial expressions instead; it'll bring more life out than the voice.

Aside from these that I've mentioned, your grammar flows like a river! Fantastic work!

Character Building: 3/5

This is a short story, yes (about 3000 words), so character building isn't needed, right? Wrong! Short stories often focus on one plot (no subplots added) and hits the nail on the head, but it doesn't exclude the fact the characters need build up. Let the emotions, personality, mental health move along with the story.

Allen, in the first two chapters, seems to be built nicely, but after that, everything about him was rushed. I couldn't sink any of him from the third chapter. After he kissed Georgina hungrily and ran off, I was clueless, scratching my head. As if in that same second, Allen comes back with no sort of explanation after that.

However, I like the humour. Georgina and Allen have a funny connection that they don't just understand each other. Allen appears to not know what he wants — and Georgina is confused as well; she wants to be treated nicely, but not in the Neowinterax's way. Georgina has a great build-up, and that I must commend!

Writing Style: 4.5/5

Unlike many Wattpad books filled with words so complex it's impossible to read a sentence without visiting the dictionary, but yours is simple. Sometimes, simplicity is the way to go — and it'll make readers read the book undisturbed. I love how it flows; how the dialogues are formed without being forced.

With only four chapters, you have done an outstanding job for the story. The end of each chapter made me want to read more, as I was curious to know how Allen the Neowinterman and Georgina the café owner would solve their problems. I don't want to give out spoilers in this review — but this is a wonderful story.

Plot + Originality: 4/5

Although I'm quite aware of the usual alien and human shipping and the robot and human shipping, ALLEN: The Alien Who Can Hear Your Heartbeat is a story that follows the cliché, but it stands out. What do I mean? In this world, everyone is familiar with aliens — and these aliens just have the same rights as humans. It's like Utopia. There's also disagreement and reconciliation in this short story.

Allen is an alien who follows the rules. Georgina is a human who follows 'her own' rules. Usually, it's the other way around; where the alien would stick to its own regulations.

OVERALL SCORE: 17.5/25

Overall, the plot is a great work — and this includes the flow. You only need to work more on the summary and the character building. From there, you'll move from a good story to a great one! Well done!