Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: A Journey to the End

Title: A Journey to the End

Author: jamjammac

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 4/5

You have everything you need in a basic summary: characters, setting, stakes, and dilemma. Well done!

There isn't much I can say here, as you did have everything there! Although, I do think you had some similar sentence structure. All the sentences were short and simple. That's okay, but when put together one after the other it can sound a bit robotic and stilted.

Also, I found a small error in the first sentence:

A savage pandemic spreads throughout the human race rapidly killing millions. Only some people are immune.

There should be a comma after "human race"—this is just so that it's easier to understand the sentence and because when reading that in your head, you'd most likely put a pause there.

A savage pandemic spreads throughout the human race, rapidly killing millions. Only some people are immune.

Other than those small problems, you have a pretty good summary!

Grammar: 2.5/5

Overall, you definitely knew your grammatical basics, so well done! There were, however, a few little things I noticed.

Firstly, there were quite a lot of typos (especially in the later chapters). I recommend doing a reread of all current, published chapters and fix them as they're easy enough to spot and fix.

Also, things like (?!), or even things like (???) or (!!!!!!!), are technically grammatically incorrect. If you want to show emphasis, use it in the verbal tag (that's basically anything like "he said", "she replied", "they stated", etc., etc.) or in the description.

On the subject of verbal tags, you had a small problem with that, too. After any bit of dialogue, there's usually a verbal tag. If there is, you can't end with a period. (If it's just something that's unrelated to the way they spoke then the period's okay.) That's because a verbal tag is technically a part of a dialogue sentence. After things like dashes, exclamation, and question marks, you don't need to capitalise either. Here are some examples and the corrected versions.

" I promise I'll never hurt you again, I'm so sorry Jo." I whisper.

Corrected version:

"I promise I'll never hurt you again, I'm so sorry Jo," I whisper.

Another example:

"...until we're far enough away that they can't do anything!" He explains to me.

It should be:

"...until we're far enough away that they can't do anything!" he explains to me.

Lastly, commas. They're heard, I agree, so I'll show an example of commas used incorrectly. If you're stuck and don't know when to use it, try reading the passage allowed and seeing where you pause ever so slightly. Commas are really things you need to know properly about, so I suggest doing some research, too.

Here is an example from your story:

Five more days I think go myself.

Firstly, I think you meant: