Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Kate: Soul of Words

Title: Soul of Words

Author: bangtanforever355

Reviewer: icecreamtherapy

Hey, so sorry about the late review. Thank you for your patience! Just a heads up — I'm going to be reviewing using a different set of criteria (from the standard.) I've found that reviewing poetry feels a bit like telling a painter what colours of paint he should use. Poetry doesn't quite adhere to any fixed set of rules, so please approach my suggestions with discretion. Thanks!

Use of Poetic Devices: 3/5

If there's one thing I can say for sure, it's that poetic devices are necessary in distinguishing poetry from other literary forms. You use rhyme, metaphor, symbolism and imagery effectively in most of your poems, which is wonderful.

While some poems, such as "Don't ask me why I want death", are more direct, others like "Moonchild's Singularity" make use of extended metaphors. These are executed well to convey more sensitive ideas in a nuanced and subtle manner — nicely done!

At the same time, consider exploring a wider range of devices to diversify the way you present your ideas. Perhaps try incorporating devices such as personification, juxtaposition, and alliteration in your poetry.

Clarity + Coherence: 2/5

Poetry, unlike prose, is unhindered by the rules of grammar. That's what makes this section a little confusing. I apologise if I mix up something that is meant to be intentional with a genuine error.

- "Moonchild's Singularity": Almost disguising their surpassed cries

I'm guessing this line is supposed to mean that the strength of the cries surpassed the attempts to disguise them. However, the phrasing of this line suggests that the strength of the cries was surpassed instead. Hence, consider rewording it to improve clarity.

- "Destiny of Sins": In the third and fourth stanzas, the phrasing is a little awkward. For example, in lines such as I fell on the grasses with a scar and All I wanted from the endless grasses / Was to write my death.

These lines do not contribute much to the overall coherence of the poem. Where does the scar come from? What does it represent? The mention of the scar is brief, unexplained, and the scar's relation to the subject matter is not very obvious. Also, why does the speaker desire death from the grass?

I'm not sure if the effect of these lines is intentional — if so, it is unclear how this highlights the idea portrayed.

- "Emancipator": The iceberg made a crackled sound

Crackled is a verb, but in this case you're looking for an adjective as a precursor to sound. Perhaps crackling sound would work better.

I don't know how much my body weigh

In this case, weigh should be either weighs or weighed, since body is a singular noun. Also, for this stanza, (not sure if this is intentional, but) take note of the inconsistencies in tense.

- "It Hurts me not to wipe your tears": Your chocked tears that you would

This is probably a typo! Chock is a verb that means to either secure or support.

Aside from the points above, you tend to use unusual (but not exactly incorrect) phrasing in your poetry. While it makes your style unique, it could compromise on coherence. This may work in the favour of poems that you intend to be more abstract, but it's always good to strike a balance. Remember: the best poems are those that convey their meaning most effectively.

Form + Structure: 3/5

As poetry is meant to be read aloud, both punctuation and lineation dictate when the reader pauses to breathe. In poems like "Emancipator" and "Moonlight", some stanzas contain a single line that is significantly longer than the rest — which could pose a problem.

In addition to being very long, these lines contain no caesura (punctuation within the line) which results in a sort of breathlessness while reading, and the difference in line length within the stanza breaks up any standardized rhythm. Again, I'm not sure if that is the intended effect, but I just wanted to draw your attention to this (in case it isn't).

To increase the ease of reading, you could read your poems aloud when revising them and also experiment with enjambment. Cutting long lines to a more comfortable length could greatly improve the flow of your poetry.

On another note, here's an example of an excellent use of form to emphasise meaning. "Don't ask me why I want death" is a short poem that consists of a thrice-repeated line. The heavy repetition (at the beginning and end of both stanzas, and in the title), within the short length of the poem, serves two purposes. It is very effective in emphasising the idea presented, and also produces a steady rhythm. Well done!

In "Chocolates and Morphine", your interesting use of italics in the line My love is actually not a sweet- introduces two different ways the line can be read, which I think is a gorgeous manipulation of form.

I like how your poems display variety in terms of structure, but you could afford to experiment even more (though free verse is extremely tempting, I know) with standardised structures. For example, when composing a poem about love, consider the form of a Shakespearean sonnet. Structure is key to relating your poem more strongly to its subject matter, as well as to providing a rhythm.

Rhythm + Flow: 2.5/5

Rhythm is crucial to setting the tone of your poem. More importantly, a poem with a strong rhythm may be more appealing and a tad easier to read. Hence, even when using free verse, try to establish a rhythm. It could be staccato, or it could be more continuous and fluid — this is completely dependent on the idea you wish to convey.

Overall, the rhythm of your poems is slightly unsteady. Usually, unless this enhances the portrayal of a poem's meaning, poems contain strong, clear rhythms. I'm sorry I can't offer a better explanation than this, but if you're interested, check out this poem for an example of such a rhythm: "The Heat of Autumn" by Jane Hirshfield.

In "Moonchild's Singularity", your use of rhythm is lovely. The rhyme scheme isn't fixed, but the poem has a good overall cadence. What strikes me the most is the last line: Who would not accept a queer

Aside from the fact that there is no end rhyme, the last word is jarring because the way it sounds disrupts the somewhat uninterrupted cadence of the rest of the poem. This especially apt because the poem speaks of acceptance (and the lack of it), and it's a clever arrangement of structure in more ways than one.

Originality + Significance: 5/5

I absolutely love the titles of your poems — every single one makes me yearn to read the full work. In addition, some of the extended metaphors you use are pretty damn creative, and I think this is a strength you should be proud of.

Take "Desert Rose" for example. Roses do not grow in the desert. The significance of a desert rose is a perfect representation of a love that does not / cannot exist.

Most importantly, some of the ideas you choose to convey through your poems — such as the one that addresses the acceptance of oneself — are strongly relatable, as well as very important.

OVERALL SCORE: 15.5/25

You have some room for improvement, especially in terms of the clarity and the rhythm of your poems. Regardless, there's no doubt that both your writing style and your anthology are beautifully unique. I'm looking forward to reading more of your poetry!