Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: Feather Quill

Title: Feather Quill

Author: crowned_cherry3

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: [no score - will not be added to final score]

Summaries for poetry are hard to review and to write. I really liked that you started off with a rhetorical question. And that question itself was very powerful. "What is poetry?". I felt that was quite an intriguing beginning. I did have some problems, however.

While the context of your summary is fine, I do want to talk about your grammar—punctuation, to be more specific. Firstly, I think it would be better to use something more than just ellipses (dot dot dot) as that was used a lot in your summary. Full stops, exclamation marks and question marks are just some of the things you can use.

Secondly, ellipses (dot dot dot) should have three dots (...). No more, no less. I noticed you used only two (with the occasional three).

I hope this helps! I was excited to read your poems!

Grammar + Punctuation: 3.5/5

Overall, you knew your basics in grammar. I did find some mistakes, however, which I'll discuss. These are things quite a lot of people do, so don't worry.

Firstly, as mentioned above, never use more (or less) than three dots in an ellipses (...). I noticed you using two or even five or six. Make sure to only use three, otherwise it will be grammatically incorrect.

You also used words like "till" and "coz". The only reason I am mentioning this is because the majority of your poems were quite formal in terms of language and message, so using more informal words like these threw me off a bit. I understand it's for the entire rhythm of the poem, but try to stick to one type.

In the poem "Phoenix" you said:

The fire opened it's mouth...

Since a Phoenix is an animal (therefore mentioned as it), it should actually be written as:

The fire opened its mouth...

"It's" is an abbreviation of "it is" and hence should not be used in this form.

I also noticed this sentence:

No matter how many time me tries...

Firstly, I think you meant "times" instead of "time". Secondly, "me tries" is grammatically incorrect. "I try" is the correct form. I believe, however, you used it to rhyme with the second sentence, but that's not really a valid excuse to do that.

Lastly, I felt as if, sometimes, lines had too many syllables. The majority of you poems where rhyming couplets (I would have loved some other forms), and sometimes the amount of syllables where off. Always try to make sure, especially with rhyming couplets, you have a similar amount of syllables—as, if done otherwise, it will seem off.

An example of this is in the last line of the your first poem, "Snowflakes":

No matter how many centuries it takes,
But when you come, I'll fall on your palm like these snowflakes.

Maybe change it to:

No matter how many centuries it takes,
When you come I'll fall like these snowflakes.

Something along those lines, perhaps?

Overall, your grammar is alright, but watch out for some small errors and too many syllables.

Diction: 4/5

I think your vocabulary is very vast. I loved the words you used! I think you did well with that. However, I do want to warn you that sometimes your poems could be quite flowery (that's basically overuse of complicated words and phrases—it makes the poem lose meaning) so you might want to be a little careful (but I'm being picky).

I also think your use of metaphors was really good! I love hidden meanings and I think you did well here. My only suggestion is, perhaps, use more literary devices? That's just a suggestion, obviously.

Meaning + Message Conveyed: 3.5/5

There were some poems I truly loved the meaning of. Toxic, Black, and Depression were the ones I found to have such strong and beautiful meanings. I think you did wonderfully with those.

However, most of your poems were about love. That's a very beautiful topic to write about, but it is quite an overused topic to write poems about. While it's a sweet topic, it didn't really have enough meaning to me. I suggest writing poems about more topics, just to add some variety? I am being a little nit-picky, so you don't have to, of course.

Emotions Evoked: 3.5/5

I feel kind of sad this is quite a low score. I think your poems could hold so much meaning—and I really felt some of them—but, after a while, I did feel as if the topic of "love" was quite recurring. I would have loved some more variety, and deeper topics would have given your poems more meaning.

OVERALL SCORE: 14.5/20

Your writing has great potential—and I think some of your poems were really lovely. I would have loved more variety when it came to the topics these poems discussed—and there were some grammar errors—but, other than that, I think you have a lovely book of poems! I hope this review helps. (Sorry it's a bit short.)