Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Ember: The Kiss List

Title: The Kiss List

Author: WriterKidWhiz

Reviewer: EmberShy

NOTE:

The reviewer would like to apologise if they come across as harsh. Please remember this is one person's opinion! 

Summary: 1/5

This summary just did not interest me. You have it poorly written and I've seen books like this before with a very similar plot.

Like, for example, To All The Boys I've Loved Before -- this book was made into a Netflix movie and it's plot is a girl who wrote love letters to boys she used to like.

Somebody mails them out and things go crazy for her.

Your description states that two girls make a Kiss List and it comes out to everyone, and as expected, it goes wrong.

This shows that the book isn't original, and I wasn't interested in the least.

Grammar: 1/5

Let me give you some examples where your grammar needs improvement.

Chapter One, here are two examples:

"I get out of bed and changed into my favorite clothes: jeans and white..."

You changed tense in the above sentence. [get out of bed] was in present tense, but [changed into] was in past tense. You need to keep tenses consistent.

You put "(I recognized the boring magenta color on the case)"

Why is this in parenthesis? This is a better way to write this sentence.

"I rushed downstairs and sighed when I saw my brother holding my phone with the boring magenta case."

This flows better and makes more sense than putting parentheses in the sentence.

Chapter Two. Here are two more examples

""Skills," She says while handing me a tray of chocolate chip cookies."

Since there is a comma, 'she' should not be capitalised. It should be: 

"Skills," she says while handing me a tray of chocolate chip cookies.

I will include my second example saying that you did it again:

""Promise," She says and I walked out."

Okay, so this one is a bit different. It should be:

""Promise?" she asked as I walked out."

This is all I will include because I feel like you hopefully understand what I'm saying.

Character Building: 2/5

Your characters are not interesting -- they are just normal teenage girls doing ridiculous things that they think are fun.

What person randomly says, "Hey, let's make a Kiss List."

I think this was random and your characters weren't interesting enough to pull off randomly stating this sentence.

Your characters seem to have all the same personality and nothing particularly interesting about them.

Consider giving your characters some more personality and interesting thingss, or something that can make them relatable and interesting.

Writing Style: 1/5

Your style is bland and lacking of anything interesting.

I was really bored and found that the book didn't flow together very well. Consider editing.

Plot and Originality: 1/5 

Your plot wasn't unique; in fact, it didn't fit well at all.

Starting with "I decided we should write a Kiss List," Jane exclaims as all of us sat down.

Jane doesn't seem realistic. Normal people don't just say this. You should consider giving your character some personality, because she just seems really crazy, possibly a little dumb.

This doesn't make her likeable and you can't just throw the plot in that quick. There wasn't enough building there was no real reason to say this or do this.

It's not unique and it doesn't flow well.

Cover: 3/5

I throw this in as an extra, because I think covers are important.

It's basic, it suits the story, it's not interesting though, it's average. 

OVERALL SCORE: 9/30

I will tell you one thing I liked and one thing I disliked.

What I liked was your cover -- it is my favorite part of the book. It suits it and it could use some pop, but it works and that's really all you need.

What I don't like was the lack of editing. Consider editing the book to flesh out characters and polish punctuation.

I'm sorry and I really had no intention of hurting your feelings, and I feel really bad but I won't lie to you.