This Won't Hurt an Ed

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[It is another normal day of school at Peach Creek Jr. High. Edd and Nat are working in the nurse's office as assistants. Currently, they are arranging items in a cabinet. Further down, their friends are bored. Ed sits on a chair and ties a blood pressure gauge around his head. Eddy uses a tongue depressor on his ear. He tosses it in a container with some clean ones. Edd looks at Eddy angrily and goes to toss away the depressors and refill the container with a fresh batch.]

Eddy: [to Ed, whose head has swelled] "Gee, nice head, Ed." [Ed floats to the ceiling.]

Edd: "Ed! That isn't the correct way to use the school blood pressure gauge!" [He tries to lower Ed.]

Eddy: "C'mon, I'm starving!" [He hops off the bench, and the paper sticks to him. Eddy tears the paper off and wads it up.] "Knock yourself out helping the school nurse, Sockhead and Turtleneck, but it's Whopper Wiener Wednesday in the caf."

[Ed's gauge pops off once he is securely on the ground. The air escapes from his head with his shout.]

Ed: "WHOPPER WIENER WEDNESDAY, DOUBLE D AND NAT!"

[The clock ticks over to noon, and Edd acquiesces.]

Edd: "Oh, very well then. I suppose some nourishment would be–wait." [He goes back to work, causing Eddy to slam the door in anger.] "Just a quick categorization of these cotton swabs and–"

[Eddy hears some cheers. Opening the door, he looks out. The kids burst out of the gym, carrying Kevin on their shoulders.]

Nazz: "One hundred free throws in a row!"

Jonny: "You're Plank's hero, Kevin!"

Kevin: [autographing Plank] "If you say so."

Plank:

Jonny: "Wowzers!"

Sarah: [holding a camera] "Over here, Kevin!"

Kevin: [enjoying the attention] "Aw, man." [She takes the photo.]

Sarah: [angry] "Get into it! Will ya?"

Kevin: "What, like this?"

[Kevin moves into a more action-like pose. Rolf then proceeds to repeatedly kick his butt just as Sarah takes the picture.]

Kevin: "Hey, man, what gives!"

Rolf: "Rolf honors Kevin with the Posterior Punt of Praise!"

Nazz: "Rah, Kevin!"

Jonny and Jimmy: [holding up a trophy] "KE-VIN! KE-VIN! KE-VIN! KE-VIN! KE-VIN! KE-VIN!"

[Eddy slams the door again.]

Ed: [using a stethoscope wrong] "Tick tock tick tock tick–" [Eddy throws him into the door.]

Eddy: "Look at those saps! It's like they worship him."

Edd: "Eddy. A poor self-image hath he that envies his fellow man's accolades."

Eddy: "Forget Acapulco! What makes stupid Kevin so special?"

Ed: [dangling a gloved foot in Eddy's face] "I bet Kevin can't do this!" [He stomps on the foot.] "Ouch!"

[Ed lifts his gloved foot, which is still under the other one, stretching the rubber glove taut. He then leans back against the rubber. When he releases the tension in his body, the glove sends his body flying forward and out of his pants. Ed zooms like a cannonball across the room and into a bookcase. Student files fall out.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Oh, dear! Do you have any idea how long it took us to–" [He sees Ed look away and uses a light to regain his focus.] "–to arrange in alpha-numerical order those confidential student medical files?" [Eddy picks up Kevin's file.] "Ed? Do you?"

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