Lion's Oneshot of Kung Fu Panda Oneshots

So Sick of Love Songs

The panda grumbled under his breath as the snake told the finale of her story. "And the prince wrapped his arms around her waist and slowly-"

"Okay, we get the idea, Viper," Crane chuckled. Viper rose her eyebrow as she huffed.

"I thought it was a good story," Viper replied.

"Of course you did," Mantis said, jumping onto the table, "You wrote the story." Viper hissed as she tried swatting the bug.

"It was a very...interesting story, Viper," Tigress plainly said.

"Yeah, I especially liked the part about the hyena," Monkey laughed. Viper rolled her eyes.

"Of course, you would. That's why I wrote it. I tried to use your guys' personality for it," Viper replied.

"Well, it was definitely different," Crane commented.

"Yeah," Po muttered. Viper noticed the panda's despondent attitude.

"Po, are you okay?" Viper asked. Po quickly faked a smile. "You didn't like the story?"

"No, I liked the plot. It's just... Viper, do you really think that half of what you wrote in there actually happens," Po said pessimistically. Everyone looked at him.

"You're... not usually the pessimistic one, Po," Crane mentioned.

"Yeah, that's Tigress's job," Monkey joked.

"Yeah, and most of it is likely. The chasing, the stealing, the fox jumping over the cow to get the sandwich and the liquor," Mantis ranted on.

"What I'm talking about," Po exclaimed, "Is the Lovey Dovey part."

"What do you mean, Po," Viper asked, curiously, not at all mad.

"No one gets in love like that. Love is a lot less...what's the word?"

"Theatrical? Dramatic? Elaborate?" Tigress suggested.

"Less of a fantasy," Po sighed. "It's not this thing where you look at someone and it's immediately obvious. It's not passion and feelings or anything like that."

"Well, what is it like?" Viper asked.

"Yeah, Po. Since you're the expert now," Mantis challenged. Po rolled his eyes.

"I'm not the expert, but I know enough about love to know that's not it. Or at least that's not what I've been through," Po sighed.

"What do you mean by that?" Crane asked. Po looked around, gauging reactions of his friends.

"I... I mean, come on, guys. In the time that you've known me, have you ever actually seen me have female friends that I was intimate with?" Po said, "I've been friends with so many girls that the person I do marry will think that I'm cheating with her," Po joked.

"So, you're saying you're friend-zoned a lot," Mantis said bluntly. Po rolled his eyes.

"No, what I'm saying is through those experiences, I've deduced that people don't know what love actually is. They have this...ideal of love that's based on fantasies that aren't real. And we're all guilty of it," Po muttered.

"I'm sensing a bit of bitterness coming from you, Po," Viper replied. Po sighed.

"It's nothing, Viper. It's a very nice story," Po smiled. Viper smiled back as Po stood up and went to his room. Po sat down in his room, grabbing underneath his bed and looking at an old picture of his friends. Most of them were female. Po sighed just as he heard a knock on the door. "Come in, Tigress."

"How did you know it was me?" Tigress asked as she opened the door.

"You're usually the one to pick up what's wrong with me," Po explained. "It's a long story."

"Well, you'll want to tell it to her as well," Tigress replied, presenting Viper behind her.

"Viper?" Po questioned.

"I knew you would only be honest if Tigress was in the room," Viper explained.

"Wow, you really do know me," Po mentioned.

"Po, start explaining," Tigress said, not beating around the bush.

"It's because of people's ideas of what a partner is supposed to be that I don't have a girlfriend. Aside from the weight, I'm not a perfect person. Nowadays people will go with whatever feels and looks good rather than what is good. And now that I'm Dragon Warrior, it's even more difficult to find the right person," Po explained.

"Wow, Po. I didn't realize that it caused you that much pain," Viper said, tenderly.

"Again, it's nothing against your story. It's just I'm tired of hearing about love stories that never come true," Po sighed.

"For you," Tigress added.

"Tigress!"

"No, she's right, Viper," Po defended, "If it was happening to someone else, I probably wouldn't be this pessimistic. It's just my negative experience I guess."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Po." Viper said.

"I'll be fine," Po smiled, trying to assure the snake. As Viper left, Tigress walked over to Po and hit his arm. "AHH, Tigress! My arm is still sore from training!"

"You should never talk that way about yourself, Po. You don't know the future," Tigress said. Po rolled his eyes.

"Tigress, how old am I and things haven't happened yet?" Po asked. Tigress growled.

"That doesn't mean anything," Tigress snarled. She sighed, calming down. "Po, I don't want you being sad simply because you're not in a relationship. There are many other things to enjoy. You love being Dragon Warrior." Po sighed.

"It's different, Tigress. It's a different kind of...closeness," Po replied.

"Well, just keep waiting," Tigress advised. "In the meantime, the others were thinking of going to the ancient temple of Go-Ning. But since you're in a mood-"

"I want to go!" Po perked up, racing outside. Tigress smirked.

"There's the Po I know," Tigress smiled.

The End