Trips Through Life

Chapter 34: ... dysphoria?

A few weeks passed. Sap and wilbur still hadn't kissed. But they were getting desperate to. They longed to kiss. They really did. But neither really.. knew how.. to ask. After they said they wanted it to be special they didn't really discuss it again.

But sap wanted to.. really bad. He and will also hadn't told anyone they were dating and they smoked weed almost every Friday. It was calming. //Don't do drugs kids lol//

Right now wilbur and sapnap were walking home from school. Wilbur had an asthma attack right after school after the guys decided to be assholes. Sapnap and dream took care of it. But it still hurt wilbur mentally. Sap was currently holding his hand and whispering softly to him and had an arm around his waist.

"You sure you don't want me to carry you?" Wilbur shook his head. "N-no- no I'm ok.. I'm.. I'm fine.. th-thank you.." sap sighed. Wilbur hadn't broke down crying..yet. He just had shakey breath and almost cried.

And he was shaking. They got in the house. Tommy was on the floor eating cheese crackers. He stayed home because of horrible cramps. Phil let him and will convinced him.

Tommy woke up that morning and felt it. It hurt. Bad. It was so bad he threw up. And it hurt all day. He was just now staring to feel better. Finally.
He looked over at wilbur and waved "hi will!" Wilbur looked over. He felt tired. He he was trying his hardest not to break down from the guys and the attack.

He let out a shakey breath and waved back "h-hi tommy.. how're you feeling..?" Maybe helping his brother would take his mind off of his own feelings. Tommy sighed. "I hurt like hell all day.. ranboo and tubbo blew up my phone when I managed to fall asleep for a nap.."

Wilbur chuckled "well at least they care.." tommy nodded "mhm.. but I felt better after the nap and answered them aft... Will..?" Wilbur looked at him and tilted his head "y-yeah?" Oh no. He was breathing heavily. He was close to his after breakdown.

"Uh- s-sorry I uh- had an asthma attack um- got to hot" he said shifting. Tommy got up "shit you ok?" Wilbur nodded. Sap gently took his arm. "Let's go to your room so you can cool off ok..?" Wilbur nodded and smiled at tommy before going with sap to his bedroom.

Sap hummed "put on something cooler" he said shutting his door.
Wilbur nodded and took off his pants and quickly threw on a large airy hoodie. He sighed softly and shreiked when he was pulled on the bed and onto saps lap.

Sapnap giggled and rubbed his hips. "You ok babe..? I know you haven't cried yet.. you need to..?" Wilburs face heated up as it usually did. "I'm ok.. surprisingly I'm not.. as upset.. cause.. I have you.."

Sapnap blushed. "Oh..? Hey... I think you need a massage.." wilbur titled his head "why?" "Your literally shaking like a leaf.." wilbur sighed softly. "Yeah.. sorry.. um.. maybe I do.." sap turned and laid him down. He was on his back.

He sat in his lap and put his hands on his shoulders. Holy shit. This looked like a dream he's had.. his face heated up. He shook his head and sighed. Sap gently massaged his shoulders.

//Bit sensual but leads to angst snsns//

Wilbur gulped. Sapnaps hips were moving as he massaged his shoulders.. it felt good.. too good.. his breath hitched as his stupid boy hormones activated.

Sapnap was.. on top of him.. and it felt good.. way.. to good.. "s-sap-" he whimpered grabbing his hips trying to keep them still. Sap hummed "what is it?" He ask softly. Wilbur couldn't hold this in.

He hated being a guy, he hated having those down their parts. Sap leaned down and frowned "will..? Hey what's-" he felt it. He looked down at will. Wilbur looked.. flustered.

He snorted "woah- why'd that happen?' he cooed. Wilbur covered his face. Sap hummed "don't be embarassed.." he hummed and gently moved his hips.

He watched wilbur jolt. He kissed his head "will.. is-" "stop please" he heard him cry out very quietly. "Shit-" he got off him quickly. "Hey hey wilbur I'm sorry baby.. did I do something bad?-"

Wilbur hiccuped "no!" He choked out "I-i loved it I-i felt- it felt good" he croaked. Sapnap tilted his head. "Then- why.. did you want me to stop..?" Wilbur had tears in his eyes.

"I-i- I don't know sap i- I-i've had a hard time with- m-my body recently.. n-not like last time I told you it's- completely different i- i-i-"

"I'm guessing your having trouble with.. down there..?" Wilbur frowned. "It's really weird.. I-i haven't thought to much about it but.. i-its.. I wanna be a guy.. I-i do but.."

Sap rubbed his back. "I hate down there.. I-i've realized.. I avoid looking down there I avoid doing anything that has to do with it and i-it hurts when i- I get.. y'know.."

Sap nodded "yeah.. explain more..?"
"I know I'm a guy, I feel like a guy.. but I don't.. like my.. down their.. it sucks.. I don't.. I don't know sapnap I.. I haven't thought to much about what I want.."

Sapnap nodded and pulled him close. "All you know is having.. that, makes you uncomfortable..?" Will nodded. "Ok.. let's figure it out then" he smiled.
Wilbur nodded slowly.

"Right.. let's.. figure it out.." wilbur had no idea why he felt the way he did..

What was this..?