Trips Through Life

Chapter 66: slip up

They all laughed. Wilbur gave his fake laughs. They all joked. Wilbur pretended to laugh along with it. They watched a movie. Wilbur pretended he was fine.

When the fact was he felt extremely upset. His thoughts on the dream, and how he felt left out. It sucked. He tried not to cry or think to much about it. But his evil thoughts always got to him.

He closed his eyes. Maybe he could just sleep all this off. He felt sapnap playing with his hair as he tried to sleep. At least that was calming.
He eventually got to sleep.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wilbur woke up. Everyone was asleep. The tv screen ask 'are you still watching?'. He looked at the three. They all looked so happy together. It felt like wilbur didn't even have to be there and they'd be happy.

He shifted. Did dream and george even want to be in a relationship with him? Or were they just in it for sapnap? They both clearly said they liked sapnap. George had said he liked him to.. was he just saying that to make him feel better? So he could just get to sapnap?

He frowned slightly. All these negative thoughts. It was like the night he.. relapsed. He shuttered at the thought and hugged his knees. He didn't want to.. and these thoughts just got worse.

'they don't want you' 'they don't need you' 'they'll be happy with just sapnap' 'thats why they didn't kiss you, they don't like you like that'
'your forcing them to be in a relationship with you' 'why would they like you?'

'their sweet words weren't true'

He teared up and gripped his hair. no, it wasn't true. They did like him, they just- why didn't they kiss him? Why did they only kiss sapnap and eachother? Is he really just that meaningless?

Maybe. Maybe they just used him to get to sapnap, or maybe they didn't use him. Maybe he was using them. To feel better about himself? But they didn't sound right.. but that's just what the voices said.

He started crying. They really didn't love him. The voices made him believe this stuff as they usually did. He choked out a sob and got up. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

He left the room and went to the bathroom grabbing a towel and wiping his face. Just calm down. It's going to be ok.

They don't love you.

He fell to his knees and sobbed. He knew that. He knew they didn't. Maybe he should just leave and they would be happy.

He heard a knock on the door. "Wilbur?" It was techno. He sobbed and covered his face. Techno opened the door and fell beside him. "Hey what's going on?" Wilbur sobbed "th-they don't l-love me like that they just w-want sapnap"

He felt techno put something in his hand "it'll be ok..

They don't love you." Techno stood and grabbed the door handle. "No one does" he shut the door. Wilbur stared at the door. He choked out a sob and gripped whatever was in his hand.

//Tw: blood, self harm//

He winced when it hurt him. He looked down. What the fuck. This had to be a nightmare it just had to be.
A razor.

'its not a nightmare, just no one loves you, they all hate you' he growled
"No they don't! They love me! Th-they wouldn't do this to me! Techno wouldn't-" he sobbed "I-i can't relapse I promised"

'they won't care'

"They will! Sapnap will be upset!"

'he won't, not even if he found out'

"H-he told me to talk to him i-if I felt like doing it again"

'he lied'

'he won't care now because he doesn't love you. He loves them. He won't need you now'

Wilbur stared at it and cried. Sapnap had them now. He wouldn't need him. He.. he would be happier this way..

He gripped the razor and sniffled holding it to his thigh. Sapnap would be happy.. he'd have them.. they'd be happy.. he pushed it harshly into his thigh.

He sniffled and did it multiple times before dropping it. Here he was. Bleeding out again. Just like that dream. He leaned his head back.

He'd be happy..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wilbur shot up and held his stomach. He felt sick. He gasp for air and looked around. The movie was still on. Sapnap was asleep beside him. George was behind sapnap. Dream was sitting up but half asleep.

He needed to go to the bathroom. No. If he went alone he might- he shook his head and held his chest. He could hardly breathe. He needed his inhaler.

He hiccuped and covered his face. He could still breathe.. he just needed to calm down.. dreams sleepy eyes looked over and he immediately came out of his sleepy state. Wilbur had tears rushing down his face. Many tears.

Wilbur hadn't noticed he'd been crying. He hiccuped again and breathed heavily. He didn't want to relapse again. He couldn't. The thoughts in the dream weren't true.

Dream crawled over and pulled him into his lap holding him close. "Hey wilbur, breathe ok?" Wilbur hiccuped and hugged onto him and started sobbing. See, those thoughts weren't true. Dream cared.

He gripped his shirt, they'd all changed out of their onesies earlier because it would be to hot to sleep like that.

He sobbed into his shirt "p-please' he choked out. "D-dont let me" he sobbed. His cries woke up the other two. Sapnap sat up and looked at them "hey what's going on?' he ask scooting to them. Dream rubbed his back "don't let you what?' he ask softly.

"D-dont let" he sobbed harder. "Ok just breathe ok?' george soon moved to them. Sapnap rubbed his back as he laid his head onto dreams shoulder. He was very slowly calming down.

He sniffled and gripped dreams shirt.

"Don't let me slip again"