Trips Through Life

Chapter 54: slipped through the cracks

//tw: heavy blood and major character death /j//

Sapnap gently held his hand and sat in his lap as he laid down. He played with his fingers and hummed softly. "Wilbs.. what if we both got surgery?" Wilbur looked at him. "which surgery?" Sapnap shrugged. "Have you thought about bottom surgery?"

Of course he has. He thinks about it everyday. What it would be like to have the opposite genders parts. And he had plenty of dreams of it. And honestly.. maybe it was his minds way  of telling him, he really did want this.

Sapnap smiled warmly and kissed his head. "So you've done a lot of thinking huh?" Did he say that out loud? Wilbur shifted and nodded slowly. "Yeah.. I feel like I'd be more comfortable.." sap nodded "that's good.. we won't have to wait to much longer, we're almost 17" he smiled.

Wilbur nodded slowly and smiled. "Mhm.." sap laid his head on his chest. "Do you feel.. a sense of comfort when you lay your head on my chest?"

Wilbur hummed "I guess so.. it's comfortable and warm.. like a heating pad but also a pillow cause of your hoodies you wear" sapnap shifted. "Maybe it's so soft because.. it's not flat.."

Wilbur frowned slightly and looked at him. "Hey.. don't be upset sappy.." he cupped his cheeks and sat up wincing slightly. "I just find it soft because.. I guess since I hardly got affection growing up and your my first.. boyfriend and the first person who's ever showed me a lot of.. touchy affection.. I'm a little touch starved.. and.. that's why, I didn't mean you were soft because of that.. I don't even think about that at all.. I see you for who you are on the inside.. your sweet and fun to be with.. your personality is why I said you were comforting.."

Sapnap shifted. "so.. that's why you said it was comfortable and warm..?" Wilbur blushed and smiled warmly. "Partially yes.. and.. your just.. really comforting to hug.. like other people might be y'know..?"

Sapnap was slowly starting to understand now. He kissed wilburs head and smiled softly. "Thanks.." wilbur nodded and laid back down. Sap did the same and laid his head back onto his Chest. He kinda understood the warmth and comfort it brought.

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Wilbur woke up and shot up. Sapnap wasn't there. Where was he? Did he go downstairs? He got up quickly, his clingy self didn't like being to far away. He looked down the hall and went downstairs.

He looked around. No one was down here. He shifted and looked for a possible note but didn't find one. He checked his phone but had no texts. He went back upstairs and looked around. Not even bad or skeppy were here.

He looked around quickly and panted heavily. His stomach hurt. He was straining himself to much. He ran around frantically. He called out desperately but no answer. Sapnap would've texted him or left a note or something if he left.

But wilbur found none. He started hyperventilating. His stomach ached. Horribly.

He ran outside and looked around. He had to find someone.. he stopped when he felt his sweater feel like it was getting wet. He looked down slowly and saw his sweater drenched in blood.

His eyes widened. He tore the stitches. No one was here to help. They were gone. He desperately tried calling someone. But he didn't get an answer. He felt dizzy.

He fell on his knees and choked out a shakey sob. He was bleeding out and no one was there.

Was he going to die.. alone..?
Like this..?

His vision got blurry and started blacking out. He looked at the sky. He was going to die.. sapnap would find his bloody body.. he was going to die bleeding out and sapnap would have to find his corpse like that.

His dull eyes stared at the sky. He felt bad.. sapnap loved him.. maybe he'd find someone better..

'you were good to me..' were his last thoughts. 'the only person who made me feel loved.. thank you..' 

And he laid there. Bleeding out. Alone. He felt his breathing become slower. He smiled sadly and closed his eyes, a small tear falling down his cheek.

'you were good to me...'

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Wilburs eyes shot open. He gasp for air and looked around. He was in sapnaps room..? But.. he looked over. Sapnap was sleeping peacefully beside him.. was he in heaven..?

He held his stomach and lifted his shirt. The stitches were fine.. he wasn't bleeding. He soon came to realize.

It was a dream.

A horrible. Aweful. Dream. A nightmare.

Tears flooded his eyes. Sapnap wouldn't loose him after all.. he could imagine sapnaps horrified face as he held wilbur in his arms sobbing getting covered in blood. Bad trying to pull him away and frantically calling an ambulance but he was already gone..

Wilbur let out a choked sob. He didn't care if he woke sapnap up. He pulled him up and hugged him tightly. Sapnap groaned as he was lifted. His eyes slowly opened. "Wilbs..?'

God, he loved that nickname. He choked out a sob and hugged him tightly. "I-im not dead am I?' he hiccuped hoping the answer was no. Sapnap pulled away and looked at him.

"What.?! Why??" He ask getting horribly worried. Was something wrong? Wilbur hiccuped and put his hand on sapnaps thigh and the other on his waist. "I-i need t-to- f-feel you" he needed to feel sapnap was really there. That he could feel him. Physically.

Sapnaps face heated up quickly. "Wha- will-" "n-need you, p-please" sapnaps face was very, v e r y, red.
He gulped. How was he supposed to..
He gently pulled will into his lap and held him close. "How.. do.. you want.."

Wilbur clung to him and sobbed happily. "Y-your here! Y-your not gone!" He croaked out. Sapnaps face fell. "What..?" "Y-your here, n-not gone, I-im here to, n-not gone" he hiccuped.

"Y..yeah I'm here.." he said quietly. Wilbur sobbed into his shoulder. Sapnap rubbed his back. "Will..?' wilbur sniffled and pulled away putting a hand on his stomach instinctively.

Sapnap looked at his hand placement. "did something happen to your stitches..?" Wilbur gulped. He really hoped not. He slowly lifted the sweater. They were fine. Not open, or bloody. "N-not bloody.. n-not o-open"

Sapnap shifted. "God I'd hope not.." he looked at him and wilbur put his sweater back down. Sap sighed softly. "Did.. did you have like.. did you not know what was reality there for a minute..?"

Wilbur nodded. He was glad this was reality.. if he died.. he..

"Y-your good to me.. a-always.." sapnaps face softened and he rubbed wills hips. "I'm guessing you had a nightmare?" Wilbur shook slightly. "I-i guess.."

Sap kissed his head. "Well I'm right here.." sapnap had been gone in his dream, while he laid on the ground bleeding out.. now he wasn't alone.. he wasn't bleeding out.

He let out a shakey sigh. "Your good to me.." he repeated. "Your.. th-the best person ever.."

"What's making you say all this will..?' wilbur sniffled. "I'm used to letting go.. but I don't wanna be alone.. I.. I was alone.. now I'm not.." he sniffled wiping his eyes.

Sapnaps heart tugged. He held wilbur close and rubbed his back. "I'm not going anywhere.." wilbur nodded and let out a shakey sigh. "Right.. I believe you.."

Sapnap kissed his neck and let out a soft sigh. He wished wilburs words that sounded suggestive earlier were what he actually meant.. instead of him being so upset..

"I'll always be here.."