Loki and Sigyn, His Glorious Purpose

Chapter Twenty Nine

Throughout the few coming weeks, as much as I wanted to demand that Loki stay with me at all times, I had to let him out of my sight. I had to show him that I trusted him to make the right decision on his own. Loki had to know his goodness did not come from me but his own personal choices.

Despite how strongly I felt about this, it wasn't as if Loki could leave my side very much. Pregnancy was not treating me well in this final stretch. I seemed to be on constant discomfort in one way or another whether it was emotional disarray or physical pain. Cold spells would come over me frequently, leaving me feeling as though I was stuck in the artic. Additionally, my hips were of course splitting at the seams and there was the occasional blood. Loki was steadfast at my side through it all, as I knew he would. He was extra attentive after his confessions to me regarding his anxieties of infidelity.

I didn't mind, except I really wanted him to just get over himself. I needed his support. And as much I hated to admit it, I needed his help taking care of myself. But as I was nearly about to pop, I was counseling him on his trauma.

"I still can't believe you when you say your first time was when you were twelve," I said with a sigh as I folded baby blankets, "You poor little boy, I can't imagine being that young and having to think about all that."

"It wasn't that it was difficult," he said, "I really don't think it has that much of an effect on me, like you say. Besides, when you were twelve you were already raising seven girls and grieving the loss of your mother."

I laughed, "That's hardly comparable, my love. My chores and domesticity were nowhere near the sex escapades you began to have at that age. And, I wasn't grieving my mother, I hate to say it but I was glad she was gone."

"You really hated your mother, didn't you?"

"Hate is a very strong word, my dear," I said, "But I suppose it could be used."

"Why?" he asked, looking at me inquisitively, "You never talk about her, how bad was she?"

I shook my head and tried to divert the conversation, "I really would rather not talk about her. Why don't you think being exposed to all that immorality was scarring? Don't you see it play out now in the way you value sex?"

Happy to talk about himself, Loki shrugged, perfectly moving away from the discussion of my mother.

"I've just never thought about it, I suppose," he said, "I was still allowed to enjoy being a child, so it wasn't that. I suppose it's as you say, the most attention I ever got was from people far older than me who just wanted to well, you know."

My heart broke at this. Now as I became a mother, what Loki described to me stung my heart. No matter the child, I couldn't imagine abusing them in the way he was. So young and innocent, Loki was thrown into a life of transgression. As I cradled my own baby bump, I couldn't imagine what the wicked world would have in store for our daughter.

"You're truly worth so much more than that, Loki," I said, smiling softly as I took his hand, "Look at how much you've accomplished in such a short period of time. Asgard has more food than we know what to do with, each and every harvest has been more bountiful than the last, your people are now praising you as you for the work you've done, and throughout all of this you arguably have pulled off the most amazing scheme known to man."

"Well yes, but does anyone truly appreciate it, or are they just too terrified of me to say otherwise?" He asked.

"Loki, my family and I lived harvest to harvest, hunt after hunt, we were lucky if all nine of us had enough food to fill our bellies," I explained, "Now even the poorest in Asgard are more bountiful than ever, able to provide for their families. Of course they appreciate it, without you  they'd still be hungry."

"But again," I continued, letting go of his hand and proceeding to fold up an afghan, "Your worth can't be based in the way others perceive you. You have to make your worth up yourself."

"I know, I know," he said with a sigh, laying back on our bed with a dramatic thump, "Old habits die hard I suppose."

"They do," I said curtly, "But your mind is stronger than your matter."

He laughed and rolled his eyes, bouncing up to land a kiss on my cheek.

"Sigyn, you are wise beyond your years," Loki gushed, planting yet another kiss on my cheek.

"Enough about me and my trauma," he said as he propped himself up on his elbows, "You must tell me why you refuse to speak about your mother."

I shook my head, "No," I said firmly.

"Sigyn," he whined with small chuckle, "Was dear mommy that awful?"

"Don't test me, Loki," I said, "Please, not right now. I'm tired, bloated beyond belief, and I'd really prefer if we talked about anything else."

My husband luckily knew better than to push me, especially now as I slid constantly on the brink of a hormone induced meltdown.

"As you wish," he said, rolling onto his back as he looked up at me with a small smile on his lips. He began to chuckle as he looked at me.

"What is it?" I whined, dropping the blanket I was trying to fold.

He continued to just laugh to himself as my cheeks grew hot with a blush.

"Please tell me," I said, frowning.

"Sigyn, don't be so sensitive," he said, gaining ahold of his composure, "I was just marvelling at the fact that I can barely see your face over your bump at this angle."

I rolled my eyes and playfully pushed him away from me, "Must you remind me of how huge I've gotten?"

He shook his head and dramatically explained, "No, no, no, my love. You mustn't speak of yourself that way. This belly, as enormous as it is, is a complete blessing. After all, it's done an immensely good job of growing little Hela inside of you."

I cocked a brow, "Hela, now is it? I thought we weren't naming her that."

"Trust me, I don't like it, but I can't deny it seems to fit her already," he said, kissing my bump gingerly.

"Hela Lokisdottir," he repeated softly as he held his face up to my belly, "I can't wait to meet you."