Loki and Sigyn, His Glorious Purpose

Chapter Ninety-Five

Dinner went by very quickly and Hela was off to her room quickly after. Something to do with a headache, she had said. This of course, left Sigyn and I alone.

I truthfully had no clue what to say to her, what to talk about, or how to get to know her. I was terrified of tripping up over my words and saying something wrong. I didn't want to lose her, this opportunity, or any of it. Especially since Sigyn knew me like the back of her hand, I felt astronomically disadvantaged in this endeavor.

After dinner, I found myself sitting like an idiot as Sigyn cleaned up the kitchen and sparks of magics flew around, picking up dishes and plunging them into the soapy basin before her.

"Loki," she said as she worked, "I can feel your anxiety radiating off of you, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine," I began before Sigyn gave me a look. Sighing, I corrected myself and said, "I'm just worried, is all."

She stopped what she was doing and turned around, ready to listen to me.

"I'm just worried I'll never catch up," I admitted softly, surprised to find myself so willing vulnerable around Sigyn.

"How so?"

"You know me, Hela knows me too, but I don't know either of you," I explained, "Try as I might, I'm light years behind. I didn't even know what Hela's birthday was. I don't even know when she was born or where, I mean, I barely even know how we were married. I know there was a hand-fasting ceremony but that doesn't seem like my style. And you, you can see through my lies and tell how I'm feeling. No one can do that. I don't understand anything. I just...I thought I knew more. But I don't."

Sigyn nodded and said, "I can't imagine the whirlwind you've been living. I know this is hard and frankly, I wouldn't know what to do with myself either. But, I can help, if you want me to."

Sitting down at the table, she pulled out the chair besides her and poured two glasses of water. Obediently, I sat beside her.

"Ask me anything," she said, leaning back in her chair.

The room was now only lit by candles and the flickering flames cast a warm glow over everything. In the light, Sigyn's freckled face seem dotted with gold. I had to take a sip of water before I could even begin to try and speak. Being in front of a woman so beautiful was more than intimidating.

"How did we meet," I began.

"My father and your brother bombarded me at the infirmary," she explained, "I suppose that Odin had demanded you be cleaned up prior to coming to the palace and for some reason they decided to bring you to me."

"Why did you work in the infirmary, aren't you a goddess? Why in the world would you work in such a lowly place?"

"My family wasn't wealthy before I married you," Sigyn said, "I shared a room with all seven of my sisters, I had to make a living somehow so the infirmary it was."

"Oh," I said, taking it in as I continued, "But we got married? How, wasn't I a prisoner at the time?"

"You were," Sigyn affirmed, "Thor needed your help for something though and so he promised you your freedom. But you had one condition, to marry me before you went off with him."

"This was just months after we met initially?" I asked.

"More like a month and half," she said with a small laugh.

"And if Hela is thirteen now," I said, thinking over all that I had been told the math simply wasn't adding up regarding when we had gotten married and when Hela had to have been born. Then it dawned on me, "I didn't get you pregnant did I? I mean, obviously I did but that's not why we were married, right? You did have a choice in all of this. Did we get married to conceal the pregnancy?"

"No, no, calm down. I chose to marry you. And yes I was with child but that's not why I said yes to your proposal," Sigyn said calmly, "Plus, you didn't even know I was pregnant until after you had married me."

"I didn't?"

"No," she said, "However, Hertha claims she told your beforehand. But, I don't really believe her. I think you would've ran for the hills if that were the case."

"And I then proceeded to fake my death, right?" I said, just dying for her to continue.

"Yes, you did," she sighed, "Which left me pregnant and alone for a good chunk of time before you conveniently showed back up to dote over me once I was nearly about to burst."

"How did you survive...being pregnant with a Jotun child, forgive me but you're tiny," I blurted out.

"I survived just fine thanks to you," SIgyn said with a small smile.

"Thanks to me? What do you even mean?" I asked, confused.

"You delivered Hela all by yourself," she said proudly.

I couldn't help but laugh. "No," I said, "No way, I could never. I would die before I would even attempt such a thing, especially with such talented midwives in Asgard. No, you're joking with me."

"You really are discrediting yourself, Loki," Sigyn said, "I swear I'm telling the truth."

"Why would I even take such a risk like that? Hela could've died, I mean it's preposterous," I rambled.

"It was either we that we take the risk that one of us would die or we would take the chance that both of us would die," she stated with a shrug, "Luckily, neither of us did and Hela was healthy. So, that's all that mattered."

"That's...scary," I said, taking a deep breath.

She nodded, "Mhmm, it was."

"So...forgive me if this is crude to ask but why didn't we have more children?" I asked, leaning forward and placing my elbows on my knees.

Sigyn shrugged, "I don't know really. Hela was enough, I suppose. But, you became...distant after she was born."

"So I've heard," I said glumly.

"You were a good father, always had Hela by your side," Sigyn explained, her voice growing sadder, "You certainly were close to her. We were a picture-perfect family the first year, you were so happy. I thought everything was fine but...I don't know."

"What do you mean?" I prompted.

"I don't know, you just became distant, and when Thor eventually came back to Asgard something happened. You just became so possessive and terrified of me leaving you, which...I suppose was valid considering me...now," she said, her voice growing ever quieter. A hot red blush fell across her cheeks and I tell she was now hitting a nerve. Sigyn was radiating with shame.

"Nevermind that," I said quickly, taking her hands, "Please, Sigyn, tell me more about you."

I did not want her to dive into that topic. I could feel the anger building up within me, I didn't want to think about it for a moment longer lest I lash out.

"What do you want to know?" she asked.

"Everything," I said, offering a small smile, "What makes you angry, what makes you laugh, what's your favorite sweet, your favorite thing, tell me it all. I have a lot of catching up to do, after all."

Sigyn barely smiled, "Well, I certainly don't like talking about myself," she said, quirking an eyebrow.

"How could you not?" I joked, "I love talking about myself."

She laughed a bit, music to my ears. 

"I know," she joked.